He's Not Going to Make It

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
He's Not Going to Make It
10
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 8:00am

My BF's dad had exploratory surgery yesterday to see why he was constantly throwing up. Turns out the cancer had spread to his stomach. They said there is nothing they can do.


So now we have to figure out what to do. We're going to the hospitals today to meet with the social workers. They're mad at us for not contacting them (we tried) and we're mad at them for not contacting us (they have BF's number, what's the holdup). Before the surgery yesterday they had told us we needed to find him a nursing home/rehab. But I guess that has changed now. The surgeon said a nursing home can't give him the care he needs. So today we're going to the hospital to deal with all of the beaurocratic issues when we should really be spending time with his dad. We have to get him to sign power of attorney (I've had the papers there for a while he never wanted to deal with it) to my BF. We're going to get whatever info we can and go to social security in person. Problem is, we don't have any proof of age. He doesn't have a license or birth certificate. So we're trying to figure out a way to get a copy of it as soon as possible. It's such a mess.


We're dealing with so many emotions now. It's no wonder my hair is falling out. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 10:38am
((((Rachel))))sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts to you today ! I hope social security can be of help.

Hugs!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 1:28pm

Oh Rachel I am so sorry to hear this, what a nightmare for you.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-01-2006 - 7:21pm

Just you guys being here is help enough. Thank you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:04pm

I offer my prayers and hugs. I just lost my mother, so I know some of what you are going through.

Express.
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 12:07pm

We had a hospice nurse coming in when my mom passed. She only came a few times a week, and the rest of the time, we had a nurse and my dad taking care of her. Hospice may not provide everything, but they were very comforting to us.

Express.
Beth "Petrouchka"

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Fri, 06-02-2006 - 2:51pm
Rachel, hospice was a great help to me with my Mom. 3 days a week they came by and I was able to get out of the house. I know that for my aunt, they were there every day . I think it just depends on how much you need them and what services are needed. They cleaned my aunt's house and sat with her daily. When you set it up, just ask what services they will be providing.

Hugs!
Lisa

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 12:36am

Already you have some wonderful responses and I agree with them.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 9:17pm
Hi Rachel, I am so sorry about the nightmare.. Idea for Birth Certificate: Go into the US Census after his birthdate and in the location where he lived, find his name and get the book, page, and line numbers for the Social Security people.. They can look it up as well and it is proof; as that is what we had to do for DH's father. Social workers should be able to help him get on the states plan even Medically indigent adult so you are not stuck with the bills. It is a pain but that is what we had to do for DD with the cancer and it still took 6 months from the initial application but once we took her to the county hospital they got it inside of a month as they wanted to get paid... Good Luck, and praying for you... Rusty
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 6:45pm
I'm so sorry Rachel. I know you have recieved many wonderful replys already, but since I have had a bit of experience with Hospice with my family very recently I wanted to reply to you. Hospice is free and even though you would need a primary doctor or the doctor that diagnosed the illness to confirm the diagnosis, it's your choice or the patients choice to have Hospice care. Depending on the situation, you could actually have nurses there round the clock. My Dad had 24 hour hospice nurses for the last couple weeks, but he was considered "crisis" And he did pass away at home. They really wanted to get him to a hospital hospice unit in the last couple days, since the morphin drip would have been better then putting drops under his tongue, but the head nurse decided that he would have died during transport and it was best to just leave him in the hospital bed at home, so that's what we did. They pay for any medications associated with the illness (but they don't if it's not related to the illness) They will give you a bed, wheelchair, actually anything to make the person comfortable and what is practicle. The patient does not have to pay for it. From what I read online,it doesn't matter if the person has insurance or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 7:10pm

Rachel, I just posted, but I re-read your message and realized some of what you are saying. Hospice will come and take care of someone even if no one is there, but if the person doesn't require round the clock care through hospice, then hospice won't cover it and you are on your own to get someone. I just realized what you meant. That's what I am going through with my Mom. She is too weak to take care of herself, but since she isn't "crisis" like my Dad was, she is only allowed a nurse to check up on her once a week and another nurse was coming to give her a bath 3 times a week, through Hospice. They still will cover the hospital bed and meds, but as far as someone staying with the person all day, that is not covered. I had to hire someone for my Mom, since she and my Dad just retired and never even had a chance to touch their retirement, my Mom has the money to pay for a nurse, but that is coming out of her own pocket, and I'm not sure about how fast medicaid works.

I'm sorry, I tried to help.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all!
I would like to help if you have anymore questions.

Beth