How do I discuss letting go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
How do I discuss letting go?
3
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 3:03pm

In my previous post, I talked about how we were trying to get my boyfriend's dad into Hospice.


We had a meeting with all sorts of people from the hospital, and decided on a place. He is now on a waiting list to get there.


At the same time, they all bombarded us trying to get his dad and us to agree to take him off of the fluid IV's. This his basically potasium and maybe some other vitamins to hydrate him. The sound of that terrified us. They said if we continue to hydrate him he would suffer for up to 2 months. We still felt like dehydration sounded like a horrible way to go and may also come to fast before any family can get up here to say their goodbyes.


But since that day I have done research and I see that it isn't so horrible. I hear my boyfriend on the phone with relatives, and he doesn't seem to make his condition sounds as urgent as it is.


His dad's ex-wife and their daughter will be arriving for their goodbyes next weekend (Fathers Day). I'm not even sure he'll make it until then.


The last couple of days it seems as though the morphine is not helping his pain at all. He seems to really be suffering now (more than ever).


I want to have a talk with my boyfriend this weekend about letting him go, and that maybe he should have him taken off the IV's. He'll have to discuss this with his dad of course. But how do I approah this with BF without him thinking I'm trying to kill his dad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 12:17am
Hi Rachel, What do you think his Dad wants to do?? How will the family feel if they do not get to say goodbye?? I know that this is hard but what do the hospice people say about it.. They have the experience to guide you in this decision.. Your boyfriend seems to have some denial and that is common he wants his Dad to live. Thinking about you all Rusty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:27am
Rachel I am so sorry to hear how his condition is progressing quickly.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2006
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 7:29pm
Rachel, I just posted to you in a wrong forum , obviously an old one that he's not going to make it :( sorry. I felt the same way when my Dad stopped eating and the nurses said that's normal and forcing him to eat would cause more discomfort. So what you looked up is correct. The body does shut down and my Dad went 7 days with no water or food, and I was so distraught over that it was so hard! I still can't get over it, but I know that's just how it works. It got to the point where I was praying my Dad would pass on, I felt the morhpine wasn't helping, and the nurse wouldn't give him anymore, since that can "help" him pass away.
I'm so sorry it seems he's suffering, that is the worst, I've watched it and I can feel what you are going through. I'm so sorry.
Beth