RE update on just need support
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| Wed, 06-14-2006 - 8:52pm |
I'm still new here and not sure how to go about posting something that I already have posted a discussion for.
I was talking about my Mom having colon cancer in another discussion, and now she has become worse, so very weak. Since my father passed away in Feb. 06 she's been alone and is to the point now that she admitted this morning that she can't do it alone. Since Hospice won't cover nurses all day, I had to find an agency nurse that is reasonable and that I liked. I found one today that will be starting tomorrow and be there 12 hours a day, 7 days a week to do all the chores around the house and take care of my Mom. I still can't admit my Mom is this sick. I go over there trying to make a joke out of stuff, since I've always done that, but it doesn't seem to make her laugh much like it used to. I just feel like I'm losing my Mom, my BEST FRIEND! I'm so depressed.
Beth

Oh Beth,
I'm sorry to hear all you're going thru, but please don't give up.
Kim
Beth you are doing fine at posting and I am glad you are here.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Thankyou Kim and Judy,
I agree in positive thinking, but my Mom does not want to live. Well, if she had her husband back and wasn't sick, I'm sure she would want to live a little more, since she feels 68 is getting old, but right now she does not want to. She is waiting to die and wants to get it over with. I hate it when she talks that way, but I understand how she feels :( She's in pain, even though it's managed by meds. I'm not giving up, but I'm just so distraught over her desire to pass away :( She believes that is what is meant for her now. Even though I love my Mom and don't want to lose her, but I hate to see her suffering and feeling that way.
I would have to go back to my previous discussion to read if I typed about her having chemo, but since she did have it for about 8 weeks and had so many complications, she would never try it again. 2 of the doctors actually agree with her.
I try to make every day enjoyable for her. I probably sound brave now, but I sure don't feel that way if I really sat and digested what I am typing here.
So far the nurse has been there 2 days, and what a relief for my Mom. She was very weak and out of it when I went to see her after work, and she now has a new pain in her right side which is really bothering her. Right away I want to call Hospice, but she wants to wait until tomorrow.
Thanks again.
Florida_girl my heart goes out to you and am sending lots of cyber hugs to you (((((((((hugs))))))))).
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Hi Judy,
Thanks for the hugs and the thoughts and prayers :)
I know what you mean about the adreniline rushes, even though with my Mom, I haven't really felt that, I did with my Dad when he got so close to dying. I really think right now I am running off of denial. I do not believe my Mom is this sick and even though I see how weak she is, and I just go about it as if she is going to get better and I'm just helping her out since my Dad just died. I washed her car today, knowing full well she is not going to drive it again. OK, that made me cry when I typed that, because when I first admit something it really hits me. But anyway, I've been driving my Mom's car because it's just been sitting in the carport and that's not good for it. So I'm starting to switch between her car and mine. So I washed it and put everything back for her like she had it so it's good when she drives it, and took my car. I guess that's silly, but I can't help it.
I was extremely fatigued right before my Dad passed away. I seriously thought I was going to end up in the ER myself because my right side got numb and my heart was racing. I had to take ativan. Since my Dad was in the hospital bed in the house, I had to leave the house and come home, because I started feeling like a claustrophobic feeling. It was weird and horrible. I just don't want that to happen with my Mom. I don't think my body can handle that again and so soon.
I'm really not doing anything different, I have been going to a care giver support group at work. I really believe that talking about all this helps. That's one reason I joined iVillage. I'm a very open person and I don't hold stuff in, well I do hold in if I'm going to cry, but as far as talking about this, I think it helps to talk. And I will talk and talk :) I think typing or talking also kindof masks the problem, if that makes sense. It's a way of telling someone else that it's ok what you are going through, but it doesn't make it go away.
Thanks again Judy. I see you are here alot. It's good to have someone always reply that you are used to :)
florida_girl70 thanks for being candid when posting.
Judy
cl-ivhjude