Lymphoma spread to the brain

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Lymphoma spread to the brain
1
Sun, 08-27-2006 - 4:24pm

Hi all, it's been a while since I posted. I think I have beeen avoiding coping....

My boyfriend was diagnosed with non-hodgkins Lymphoma earlier this year and had one surgery and was preparing for another. About 6 weeks ago after a scan (he had terrible neck pain and was losing feeling on the right side of his face) they found that the cancerous lymph node there, the one they were planning on removing, had spread and he now has a brain tumor. Doctors gave him a terminal status of 3-5 years and a 10% chance of survival only if he opts for surgery, which is risky in itself.

So, me being the eternal optimist I think "3-5 years, that's great! 10% is better than 0%!" However, he is not as optimistic. Strange, becasue this man (32 years old) has the most vibrant, optimistic attitude about everyhting. He broke up with me shortly after he received that news, saying there was no way he wanted me to see him deteriorate and die. He wanted me to "cut my losses, remember the great relationship that we had and move on". I refused, thought and prayed about it and decided I would stay. I would stick it out, no if's and's or butt's. So we got back together and in doing so have reached an entirely new level in our realtionship. Didn't think it was at all possible to fall in love with him anymore, but I have.

So today (he's in another city, visiting his mother) on the phone he told me again that we cannot stay together. Apparantly his mother told him that these are his last few years and he cannot create deeper relationships. Part of him agrees, but I am so angry that she has influenced him. I CANNOT keep going back and forth with this.

Neither of us have children. I'm 31 and he keeps telling me that if I do stick it out and stay with him, we'll have a few years together, then the brain tumor will take over and he will probably not even know who I am in the end. I'll have committed my life to caring for him, then he'll pass away. I'll have to mourn that and then start all over. He knows how much I cherish the thought of getting married and having children, he does too. But I know that he needs me. And I need him too. But he keeps pushing me away and reeling me back in. I can't keep doing this.

Any thought???

P.S, Judy: You posted to me the last time I posted. Thank you for your words, I printed them out and read it over several times. I did go and see and cancer therapist, whom I plan on seeing again, hopefully Ben will come with me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 5:03am

My heart aches for what is happening to both of you.

Judy

cl-ivhjude