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| Sat, 09-30-2006 - 1:48am |
Hi everyone. I am very happy you all are here for support -- I really need it. I just hate having to come to a cancer board.
You see, I lost my husband about 2 years ago after a long, terrible battle with kidney cancer. The grief I went through was so much more than I ever imagined. The first 6 months I literally did NOTHING but stay in my home and lay around...I only got up to feed & let my dogs out. I had a couple very dear friends who kept coming over & calling to make sure I would eat & eventually got me to go out of the house every once in a while for a yoga class, then eventually for lunch.
Then some months ago I talked to my exhusband, who lived 50 miles away, on the phone and we eventually met for lunch a few times,and then seeing each other regularly. Then 3 months ago he is diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It seems he was just fine -- big, strong & active -- and then within a few weeks of feeling some pain & trouble swallowing, he was diagnosed and had lost over 25 pounds. By now I had left my home to come down & stay at his home with him.
Then his esophagus closed completely up, he couldn't even swallow his own spit & was aspirating it at night & not able to even take in liquid nutrition. So he had a feeding tube put in. But that didn't help the "can't swallow spit" problem & he kept getting sicker & sicker. He finally was transferred to a hospital 100 miles away to have a special stent put in his esophagus to hold it open.
He is now so sick & had lost about 50 pounds. He's completed radiation treatment & was undergoing his 2nd round of chemo when his heart started to go wacko. Now we find out he has a blood clot on his mitral valve. It just seems that it's one thing after another...and so quickly.
When we first got the diagnosis I couldn't believe it...I really felt like I went into shock, then when he came home from the hospital I felt like I was going back into that "robot" like behavior of just taking care of him & turning off my feeling like I kinda ended up doing alot towards the end with my husband. I don't want to do that again...Even after this time I still sometimes feel the guilt thinking during the times I did that I should have talked with him more & more during those times. I don't know, I guess some of us always feel there were always things left unsaid...
I know I'm rattling on. I'm just having a VERY difficult time with this. I'm so scared. Everything I've read & everyone I've talked to is not too positive about this type of cancer. And he just seems to be getting so much sicker so much faster that I can't think straight. And even though he had that stent put in so he could eat, he's already to the point that he doesn't even care to. He is living on ensure and he wouldn't do that or even drink any fluids if I didn't remind him.
Thanks for "listening". Everyone take good care. Karen

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Hi Lori
Thank you for dropping into the board and giving so many hugs.
Thanks Karen,
I got my results back and it was good news!
Thank-you so much for your kind words.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
For me this board has been a safe haven for me to come and share.
Lorie
Carry on.
If it wasn't for the love and support and encouragement from my family, and friends and the new ones I have made on the message boards here at iv I would have been LOST.
Again, thanks take care you are in my thoughts and my prayers.
Lorie
Lorie, I'm SOOOO happy you got good results back! That's wonderful. What a relief.
We got some good news (finally) at a dr's visit yesterday. The blood clot that was on my husband's mitral valve is gone. The cardiologist did a echocardiogram & said it was completely gone. He also said the area had looked like it was being "pushed"on, he presumed from the cancer...now that's not the case, it's wide open, so he believes the radiation did its job in shrinking the cancer.
Good news, good news.
Take good care, Karen.
''I got my results back and it was good news!''
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA doing the happy dance here, I am so happy for you, way to go :)
Judy
cl-ivhjude
Living with Cancer
Cancer: Friends & Family Support
Finding Your Best Life
"With understanding, fear diminishes;
in the
Judy
cl-ivhjude
''We got some good news (finally) at a dr's visit yesterday. The blood clot that was on my husband's mitral valve is gone.''
Hot dog more good news, this is fantastic.
Judy
cl-ivhjude
We all could use a little GOOD NEWS!
Thanks for sharing!
Take care, Karen.
Thanks!
me 2 lol
Hulu (spelled incorrectly prob but oh well he he he ) dance everybody!
This was my second biopsy on my face.
I was extremely scared more so for my kids.
Just is a relief to know one way or the other.
To get on with life.
It is the not knowing that can break you down.
I take one day at a time and definitely am dancin'.
Thanks, again.
MUCH APPRECIATED JUDY
this board has been a godsend to me personally
:)
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