New Here - Losing Dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
New Here - Losing Dad
12
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:53pm
My dad has been battling with melanoma for five years and nothing has worked. The cancer has spread to his lungs, brain, and stomach. The different medications have slowed the growth of the tumors down but the doctors have basically run out of treatment options. They are doing chemo now (which is known not to work on melanoma) in hope that it will buy time. My dad is only 54 years old and even younger at heart. He is living with me and my family while going through treatment and it is so hard to see him in pain all the time and sick all the time. I am now on medication to treat depression because it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to cope with my day to day stress (raising a family, working full time) and come to terms with losing my dad at such a young age.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 10:12am

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Hi Criste


I am so sorry your Dad is so ill and that it has caused you to be also.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 10-26-2006 - 12:11pm
dear Christie,
My heart goes out to you hon. I lost my mom at a young age, and I know how hard this must be for you and your family.
This is a great place to come and others here truly do understand.
I am waiting the results of the skin biopsy I had and my thoughts are on my children.
Just know you are not Alone here, it is a fantastic place to find support and comfort.
Take care.
Lorie
Nightangel
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-29-2006 - 8:13pm

I just wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you and praying for your dad. I lost me dad March 1, 04 from Lung cancer that spread to his bones. He spent SO much of his last months with us in great pain due to the bone spread. My dad was only 60. So hearing you Dad is even younger than that truely touches me and breaks my heart. I am also the mom of 4 boys and found it so sad to know my children wouldn't have their grandpa and that half of them wouldn't remember him when they got older either. My dad left behind my sister also who was only 19 when he died. That was SOOO hard for me to grasp! That she would not have her dad to see her graduate from college, walk her down the aisle or to hold her first child.


My prayers are with you and your family at this time. I hope you can find peace through this ordeal!


Sydney

 

 

 

      

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:53am
Thank you so much for your words. Its nice to know that I am not the only one to go through this. I have three sons ages 14, 13, and 4 and all of them are so close to my dad. The older ones have some idea about how sick grandpa is but it is still going to hurt them so badly when he dies and my youngest just adores him and there is no way to explain to him what is going on. I know someday soon I will have to explain to him why he cant see grandpa anymore and it breaks my heart. I also have younger sibling - the youngest is 21 and he has never been married and has no children. He will never get to share that with my dad..its really hard to think of the future without him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:11pm

Hi Christe


Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:23am

Hi Christe,

What you're passing through is very tough... I know it is upsetting to see your dad suffering. Try to spend as much time as possible with him. Talk to him and try to cheer him up. I'm sure he is suffering more to see you sad and depressed.

Think about it as a chance to get closer to him. One of my friends lost her father in a car accident when he was only 48. She didn't have a chance to say good-bye. We're all going to die at a certain point in time. I'm 25, but I don't know if I'm going to live till tomorrow. We all have a time. Just make sure you don't lose this time away from your dad.

Cancer is depressing, especially when you see a close person to you in pain. But I don't want you to lock yourself in your sad thoughts. Sick people want to feel loved. I'm sure you love your dad... show it to him... he needs it.

I know how you're feeling because my boyfriend who's 25 has recurred hodgkins lymphoma. He is so depressed and sick that he doesn't want to talk to anyone, including me. In fact I'm the first he decided to abandon. I still love him and wish I can show him how much I do... Don't lose your chance...

My heart goes out to you.

Take care,
Lili

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 1:39pm
Hugs Everyone!
Nightangel
Avatar for klmuc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 6:17pm

Christe, seeing someone you love so much fighting such a terrible, painful disease over such a long period of time is just awful. I lost my husband after a 3 yr long battle with kidney cancer that just kept spreading no matter what treatment he tried -- & he kept trying.

Like your father, he was always very young at heart. Looked 10 yrs younger and was a ball of energy. So to see someone so full of life get sick & just keep getting sicker & not be able to do anything for them is just the most depressing thing. I also ended up on antidepressants. They helped.

As others have mentioned, make this time the most you can. I know you said you're working & have children so you have a lot on your plate -- you must feel totally overwhelmed at times. But your father must feel so special to have his family there for him at this time.

You are in my thoughts & prayers. Please take care of yourself during this most difficult time.

Karen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:30pm

Christie forgive me for responding so late, the responses you have already say everything I would say to you as well.

Judy

cl-ivhjude

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:02pm
You hit the nail right on the head.
Since being through this and dealing with cancer in my life and those around me who I love and love me, I have come to appreciate living in the here and now, being happy.
Enjoying TODAY. Not dwelling on the past or worrying about tomorrow.
I think you are one courageous woman Judy and your advice is awesome.
This has brought me and my dd closer and it has made us stronger.
Hope you have a great day!
Nightangel

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