Cancer worries him about future
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| Fri, 10-27-2006 - 1:50pm |
Hello,
I'm a new member. I've been reading the discussions for sometime now but was quite shy about sharing my problem. I feel I'm going into a phase of depression and I direly need your support and advice.
My boyfriend was diagnosed with 2nd degree Hodgkins lymphoma about a year ago. He underwent treatment, both chemotherapy and radiation and was better within six months.
We were very close during this time and when he was cured he asked me to marry him and met my parents.
Four months into remission, he found a new lump and the doctor told him the hodgkins had recurred. He underwent a new chemotherapy protocol that used very high dosages of the medication and later had stem cell transplant.
Finally, the cancer was gone, but his immunity levels were very low.
We were in touch all of the time, although he had travelled to France to continue his treatment. We used to talk over the phone everyday and he sent me messages whenever he was down.
But since he got better, he has cut all contact with me. He refuses to answer my calls, doesn't reply to my emails and deleted me from his messenger contacts. And it's been a month now.
I know he's in contact with other people, cause we have common friends. I don't know why he's acting this way. I know the experience was draining mentally and psychologically, but I still love him and don't want him to give up on "us" simply because he is afraid of the future.
Any ideas?

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Honestly he might be worried about himself.
This is a tough one.
My heart goes out to you.
Hugs hon.
Lorie
Why do you think he might be worried about me? I gave it some thought and logically, yeah... he must be worried about himself, but what about me? Shouldn't it be a mutual decision after all? I mean, he could've talked to me about his worries, instead of just blocking me out of his life...
Hi
I am so glad you stopped in. was quite shy about sharing my problem.
Thanks Philly for your nice assuring message.
I just hope he returns back and talks to me about it.
I know he doesn't share his concerns with his family. He is such a sensitive person that the only thing that really hurt him was seeing his mother cry when she knew he had cancer. He told me he doesn't care about the disease, as much as he cared about seeing his loved ones suffer for it.
I was the only person he turned to whenever he got sad or worried all through the experience. I don't know who he turns to now. I pray each day he gets better.
I don't even know how he is doing. I hear his news from others, but I know he is good at concealing his feelings.
Pray for him please. Hugs.
Hi Philly,
I keep on reading your message over and over again. It comforts me.
The whole issue is really getting to me. I'm starting to have problems with my studies and work. I'm a 25 year old student and I freelance sometimes, but now I'm skipping classes. My boyfriend is 25 too. It is a crucial time for him to build a future, but the cancer has stopped him in his tracks. It's been a year now and his work is getting really affected. He was heading for a promotion right before he was diagnosed. Now, he has taken an open vacation till he gets better.
The first time he was diagnosed with cancer he was positive and he knew he was going to be better. And when he got cured, he felt it was some kind of experience that had ended for good. He had plans for the future up to 30 years ahead.
But when the cancer recurred, he felt helpless. He felt he was so vulnerable that the cancer can strike at any time even if he gets cured.
I hear that some people die out of depression rather than the cancer itself. They lose the drive to live. I don't want him to reach this phase.
I know that life and death is all in the hands of God and I don't want him to fret over the future. I really want to comfort him.
I'm waiting until he starts going out and gets back to work, so that I can see him and talk to him face to face. Meanwhile, I send him comforting messages and emails, hoping he gets them.
Thanks again.
Big hugs,
Lili
Hi Lili
Oh I am sure the second time you have to face this ........is much harder to convince oneself that you can beat it.
Hi Philly,
Thanks for your constant support. Your messages really give me hope. I agree with everything you're saying... you definitely have a point. I just hope I can pass him this message so that he can see a way out of the tunnel. He has always been positive and cheerful even through the worst. He gave me hope. I just wish he's holding still.
Thanks and hugs,
Lili
I understand.
Completely.
Hugs!
Absolute terror.
Worried about my kids, my family, my dad, my brother, and my sister & bil,nieces and nephews, my friends the list goes on and on.
I never told my dad or my sister until I knew right now everything is okay.
You just want to spare everybody and honestly my brain was mush.
Truthfully, I just needed some time to myself, to prepare.
Nobody wants to deal with the reality of it, or the possibility everything might be okay.
Numb.
It has been hard to go through but I cherish every day.
I have made peace with an ex-b/f.
The list goes on and on.
I am just happy to be alive right now.
Not too dwell on the past or worry about the future but appreciate the here and now.
I don't believe it is personal, maybe he is afraid of making you go through this.
I am not saying it is right or wrong.
Honestly I met a guy during this time and broke up with him because I needed to concentrate on me.
When I got the news it was negative I told everyone called my dd & sil and my ds and I saw my ex-b/f (we broke up a year ago), I hugged him told him and we are friends again.
Just let him know in some way you are there for him.
Eventually he may come around.
He could really having trouble coming to grips the possiblilty of losing you so he may have had to distance himself.
Only he knows for sure, I would ask him.
I knew I chose not to tell my dad and sister but my kids and friends knew.
Hugs hon hope this helps.
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