Just lost my mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Just lost my mom
11
Fri, 12-01-2006 - 7:41am

I lost my mom on Wed. to breast cancer she's had since 01. It metastized to her brain and liver. She knew about her latest diagnosis situation and didn't tell anyone and refused treatment. She went downhill quickly, which I consider a blessing. But I'm having trouble grasping this reality. Her husband isn't making things easier. He refuses to have a memorial service for her because he doesn't want to pay for it (she was cremated). And money for this shouldn't be an issue for him based on what he told us of his financial situation (after we found out he lied to us).

Of course, I'm in the Midwest and we're having the worst winter storm in years! So we wouldn't be doing anything immediately anyway. But I feel like everyone is looking to me to figure everything out, and I don't know the answers. Not to mention I live an hour from the city my mom lived in and unfortunately, money IS an issue for us. It's bad enough having to deal with mom's death...but now all this, too?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 1:43am

((((((((((((((((superbarkley)))))))))))))))


I am so sorry that you have lost your mother to this horrible disease.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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Community Leader
Registered: 09-14-1997
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 12:00pm

((((((((GENTLE HUGS)))))))))


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sat, 12-02-2006 - 9:48pm
I am terribly sorry for your loss!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 12-04-2006 - 8:03pm

Big Hugs,

Anna

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 12:23am
I'm missing her so much tonight. I think it's finally starting to sink in that she's gone. It hurts so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 12-12-2006 - 10:44am
Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sat, 12-16-2006 - 2:06pm
I am so sorry to hear that you lost your mother. Unfortunately my dad passed on November 30,2006. He was diagnosed with non-small cell lung cancer August 2006. His cancer spread throughout his entire body and he was in a tremendous about of pain. Throughout his illness he stayed positive and kept hope. He was such an inspiration to myself and others!! I can sympathize with you on the step-parent part because my dads wife refused to pay for any of the final expenses and opening and closing of the grave. This financial responsibility was placed on myself. She claimed that she and my dad had no money put aside but we have now found out different!! God will see to it that people like this will not prosper and trust me when I tell you,they have a horrible road ahead of them for the actions they have taken. Please email me anytime if you want to talk. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 4:35pm

I received a letter from my mom's widow's lawyer today ordering us (my brother and I) to return the photos and other memorabilia that my brother took from the house.

Why does he want my baby pictures and pictures of my real dad? Why does he want my softball trophies and brownie patches? I just lost my mom and now he's going to make me lose my childhood, too. I am devastated. He timed it well, too. Right before Christmas. From what we can tell, he made my mom's life miserable now he's doing the same to my brother and me.

OK, now for the funny part, because no matter how bad it gets, I still have my sense of humor. Let's have a laugh at a lawyer's expense.....

My brother and I are to never contact my mom's widow again and we are not to set foot on his property. Uh, how are we going to get the STUFF BACK TO YOU IF WE CAN'T TALK TO YOU OR SEE YOU? Evidently they expect us to spend 100's of dollars on shipping boxes back to him. Yeah, that wasn't well thought out, now was it Mr. Lawyer? Maybe we should show up at the Lawyers office with the stuff. But then he would probably charge us a storage fee.

I am trying very hard to have faith that this type of behavior is not rewarded in the world and that a higher power will set everything right. But I am angry right now, and I wish there was something I could do to just get a good jab in. You know, something to put this guy in his place. I guess that's human nature and I know I have to resist temptation and take the high road.

As I'm typing this, I'm thinking of calling my mom's sisters and getting copies of as many pictures from them of my mom as I can. Maybe they may even have some childhood pictures of me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 12-22-2006 - 11:09pm

Hi


Well in my personal opinion, I think I would visit an attorney before giving it back.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2006
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 7:30am

Thanks. After more thought and calming down, I did realize that when my mom married that man, I was still living with her and we moved in with him together. So, according to the US Postal service, that was my official address. I think that is going to work in my favor...I still have copies of postmarked letters addressed to me there. I canvclaim that as a previous resident of that address, I am still entitled to my things, and that includes pictures of my childhood, etc. He wasn't in our lives at that time anyway, what does he care to have my baby pictures for? This just doesn't make any sense.

Thank you for the idea to scan. We will probably do that for the framed pictures that don't fall under my childhood category.

Thanks for your support.

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