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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2006
New to board
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Sat, 02-03-2007 - 1:35am
Hi, I'm new to the board.  My mother (age 62) was diagnosed in December with advanced, inoperable, pancreatic cancer.  She is stage 3.  She started chemo, went through 2 doses, then decided to stop because it was too debilitating.  It was only 2 weeks ago that she would even listen to facts and figures.  That's her MO - bad news? - stick your head in the sand.  So, up until then I was the only one who knew what her prognosis is.  I am an only child, father deceased, only other family really is mom's brother who is 79 and lives in TX (we live in RI) and for various reasons we have few close friends.  Her best friend is too ill to help.  SO, I'm in this alone.  She went into home hospice 2 weeks ago.  I should note that I have fibromyalgia, arthritis and disc problems.  I want her at home and I want to take care of her.  Her prognosis is about 8 months, but the nurses from hospice don't think she'll make it that long.  She's gone into a deep depression and only talks of death and wanting to be dead now.  She has horrible nightmares about death.  She eats/drinks VERY little (part of the disease) and has severe vertigo which they can't find a reason for.  As of now she can barely stand up and just getting her to the commode right next to the bed is a huge effort.  (She weighs about 170 and even before the fibromyalgia I was a weakling).  The EMT's have been to our apartment 5 times in a two and a half week period to pick her up after falling (when I was not in the room).  The hospice can only send so much help - visiting nurses, home health aides, possibly 2 volunteers a week for up to 2 hours.  I get little sleep because she needs help to go to the bathroom a few times a night.  I, also, have bi-polar disorder/major depression (runs in the family!) and I am sliding fast.  I don't have my license right now which we're working on getting, but even if I did, it's come to the point where I can't really leave her.  Grocery shopping, laundry (we have no washer/dryer), pharmacy stops, misc., all are a problem.  I don't want her in a nursing home.  I also think I'm falling apart.  I can't even get help to move some stuff either around or into storage (we're considering a hospital bed).  That's my basic story, and I need to go to bed to stop from crying and to try to get some sleep.  Thanks for listening. 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:18am

I am so sorry you have so much on your shoulders right now.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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