How to respond

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
How to respond
5
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 6:54pm

My only brother (age 51) has liver cancer.  He just got out of ICU after a week.  Hospice care starts Monday.  I will be helping out my SIL three days a week so she can catch a break.  I am not sure if my brother knows how bad it is.  He is very intelligent and I am sure when the hospice nurse shows up he will figure it all out.  His doctor is only giving him about two weeks.  Radiation did not help and he is not a candidate for chemo.  He had a kidney transplant twenty some years ago and got Hep. C which led to the cancer and chirosis (sp?).  It is a heartbreaking experience to go through for all involved.  My parents are elderly (78 & 82) and are taking it hard.  I am trying my best to comfort them.  I do at times feel like I am losing my mind but keep telling myself to be strong.  I never knew I had so many tears to cry.  I do have three other sisters for support as well and we are a tight knit family.  I will miss him so much.  He is the best!


What do I tell him if he asks me how long he has left?  I of course am not God and there could be a miracle.  I am praying for one.  I just don't know what to say...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 2:03am

Hi ((((((((((((Shelia))))))))))))))


I am so sorry that you have to face this.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 12:56pm

I'm so sorry that you and your family are having to go through such a hard time. I too have a brother that is recieving home hospice care. He has stage 4 lung cancer and it has spread all over. ( His brain, Bones, Kidneys, ect..) He is living with me. I too have a large family. Our parents are 74 and 86 yrs old. I do have 2 sisters that help and my 2 sons and my husband helps. All I can say is your sister in law will need all the support and understanding you can give her. This is a very hard time for you all.

As far as telling your brother, He will go through denial and then anger and depression and then finaly acceptance. It will be hard but when I finaly talked to my brother about his condition and I told him that I know that it really hard and I know that He must be scared but the most important thing is to make sure he is right with God and turn everything over to him. We did talk to him about his condition and Hospice helped us to do this. Let him make his final wishes known, What he would like done. The type of care he would like to have. Ect...This helps them feel like they have some controll over things. Tell him to make short term goals. See if there is someone he would like to see, If there is someone he would like to call on the phone. Let him make daily goals Like what do I want to do today? Do I want to see a movie? Do I want to walk around outside? Do I want to listen to music? What do I want to eat today? Little things like this really made a difference to my brother. He is now bed ridden and what we do now is visit with him and talk about old times. Tell jokes. and just show him how much we love him. We also give him his space when he wants to be alone. We try to keep the atmosphere as light and peaceful as we can. When something new happens to him and he gets upset and scared I tell him don't worry and that its normal. I don't tell him the amount of time he has because no one really knows when ANYONE will die. I could die tomorrow. And yes miracles do happen. They didn't even think my brother would even make it out of the hospital and here it is 4 months later. We charish all the time no matter if is 2 week or 2 years. I just try to keep him happy the best way I know how. At least our brothers have a chance to get their lives in order and say goodbye. Alot of people are not that fortunate. We should all take one day at a time and stay ready anyway but we tind to not even think about death until we have to. I'm just trying to take this situation and find what good I can in it.

When hospice first came to my home they gave me a book to read. This book has really helped alot. If someone offers help let them. Your sister in law will need to get away from the house sometimes to help her be able to cope with all of this. If they give her this book I would strongly encurage everyone to read it. Even your brother.

If you need someone to talk to that understands what you are going through please feel free to get back to me here. I've looked for support groups for care givers who are careing for a loved one how is in the final stages and are dieing but really have not found any. Most places I've found deal with people who are still going through treatment and are not this far yet. They told us on Fri. that he could go at any time now and to be ready. As hard as that may sound It helps to come on here and be able to maybe chat with someone else going through the same thing.

You and your family are in my prayers.

Sharon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Sun, 02-04-2007 - 6:06pm

Thanks ladies for your kind words and encouragement.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 02-05-2007 - 1:27pm

Sorry the Bears lost.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2003
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 7:17am

Thanks for posting exsmoker2 and I am so sorry to hear of your brothers prognosis.

Judy

cl-ivhjude