New to board-support on loss of my Dad
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 02-07-2007 - 7:29pm |
Hi All,
This board seems like a great group of people. Some of you have already gone through my current experience. My Dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer on 6/6/06...and he died 3 days before last Thanksgiving. It is still really hard to absorb. He never spoke about his illness, and as a result we never got a chance to have any real good byes. My son (8) and I did spend as much time with him as possibe. He was in and out of the hospital at the end. He was at work one day (actually the day I turned 40) and I called him b/c my mom said he wanted to wish me happy birhtday but he couldn't dial the phone...and his secretary answered and said oh hun, call your mom your dad had an accident.
My Dad's stomach was upset from all his meds, and in running to the bathroom he tripped over his walker, soiled himself and broke his hip. He never made it home again.
What I am having such a hard time with, is not so much the pain of his loss, (which is numbing in and of itself) but HOW he died. And I was in the room with him when he passed away and he looked so...just wrong. He was suffocating. And they had him all plugged with morphine. He hadn't closed his eyes in 3 days prior, and finally, he had some peace.
I still feel in shock over what happened, all I saw, and all the pain of seeing my mom, my son and my brother. And his sister, etc. So it is hard for me to begin mourning because I feel so disturbed over this all. I am in counseling, and taking a leave of absence from work to just get some peace.
I would really appreciate anyone providing some insight on moving on through the greiving process. My mom is two hours from me, she is still working full-time so she won't move, yet.
Hugs,
Karen

Pages
Well, thank you for a very nice and supportive response!
I am into week two of being home, and I wish someone could have warned me of the floods of emotions I would be experiencing. This is getting harder, not easier. It is am emotional pain that just....hurts. I am feeling just down, my mom is experiencing things hitting her for the first time too. First bank account being closed, first, tax returns, that kind of thing. I am more stuck on the HOW he died still. Just how horrific the disease was, and the pain and humiliation he went through.
In counseling last night I got so MAD, that my Dad left behind a family and friends who loved him so much, and this family is torn apart. I feel like a peice of me went in the ground with him, and I wonder if the sadness will lift. I do trust with time it will get easier.
Right now, I do not feel like I will be ready in a week to go back to work. Not that my pace has slowed, the pain and emotions are flooding in. I go to the gym a lot, spend time with my family, son, etc. And I have been cleaning like a mad women, and am re-doing my floors, carpeting, painting, and a lot just to stay busy. That is what I need now. No heavy work decisions every day, no boss telling me it is time to get back into the deadlines, more work is on the horizon, etc. I was making way too many mistakes at work, and I am a "high performer" who regards my job with pride and importance in doing well.
I think journaling might help and will seek out a bereavement group. Maybe there is one for adult kids. This just sucks and I feel so blah.
Thanks again for the support and I still welcome more thoughts...
Hi!
I don't know what brought me to your group other than to say I must have a lot of confidence. (lol)
My sister was very ill a few years ago and I wrote "The Sister's Lament" as a result of that experience. I feel compelled to share it with you because I know deep down that it will help you deal with everything. Cocky? Maybe. Bold Statement? Sure.
Sorry for the shameless self promotion but I feel like I have something of value to say, and I have been doing this "Slam Poetry" thing long enough to know that this poem affects people in an amazing way.
Thank you for taking the time to watch it. I hope it helps.
http://www.veoh.com/videos/v258165WwT4k4NS
Heart +
I am so scared. I know I have to stay strong for my kids and my mom but I feel like I could fall apart at any minute. I don't know what I am looking for but I just saw myself in your post and thought I would write. If you have any words of courage for me please let me know.
Thanks,
Molly
Wow! I just watched "The Sister's Lament" and I was moved. I'm glad you shared it (though I know I'm a couple months late)It's true to want to hate disease. If you could look in the face of what is killing our loved ones, if you could direct your anger and frustration on what is directly responsible, the difference it could make. I think it would be a lot easier to lash out at cancer, if it was a person or a creature. Everyone affected could stand together and fight and see the difference they have made. It would lend hope to everyone, because, really, everyone has been, or will be affected by disease at some point. Anyways, sorry of my "lack of sleep" ramblings! But I just want to thank you for sharing that. It opened my mind.
Cody
Pages