Help for the Caretakers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Help for the Caretakers
14
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 7:26pm

My husband was diagnosed with lung cancer in August of 2005. He has been on chemo nonstop ever since. I know that he is the one who is ill and I am fairly healthy but I just get so depressed with the whole thing. It's so hectic. There's so much more for me to do now around the house. I always did do most of the routine things but now I'm doing some of his chores too and even though I don't get physically tired, I get very mentally and emotionally tired. On some days I get depressed as soon as I get up. He's 80 years old and I'll be 70 soon. We both still work part-time even though we're retired. It's good for us in some ways. At least it takes our minds off of the whole situation.

He has a bad side effect from the chemo that causes pain in his feet. It's worse in the morning before he takes his Advil. I fix his coffee and then I hear him complain about the pain and I just don't know what to do for him. Last week he fell on the ice after our ice storm and with the problem that he has with his feet, I'm always afraid that he might fall again. This wasn't the first time. That's why I do more at home now. I try not to let him do anything that involves going up and down the stairs any more that he has to. At times I feel angry about the whole situation and then I get angry at myself for feeling the way I do. Do others feel the same way? I would like to hear from you.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 9:13pm
After reading your entry I know how you feel. My sister has stage 3 lung cancer and she
has a 5 year old child. I feel so helpless sometimes that I don't even want to talk to her. I try to as much as can for her but I just get frustated.I do more sometimes for her
son then she does,and I feel like this shouldn't be happening. She has passed out twice in the shower and she still hasn't shown how to call me on her cell phone. She doesn't have a house phone just that. I get so mad at her sometimes and then I feel guilty for feeling that way. She is the one going thru this but at the same time I have to deal with it to. She is only 35 and I cant help but wonder what would happen if she doesn't make it
thru this, then I feel guilty for thinking about.Even though I know it is something we should think about.Thank you for your story.
Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:59pm

Hi Mary


Welcome to the board.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 10:18pm

Its okay to feel that way! Be angry at the cancer! Be angry at the pain he feels. Just realize that you aren't angry with him, you are angry at the cancer. And don't feel guilty for it. You are taking on a huge support slot for your husband that you never could have imagined. You knew you would love him forever but cancer is a unforgiving disease and its okay to feel the way you do.



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 8:49pm
Thank you. I truly appreciate your response and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 03-10-2007 - 8:58pm
Thank you for your response and helpful ideas. I want to thank everyone else that also responded. It is so heartwarming to hear from others who understand. Thank you again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 2:11am

(((((((((((MARY)))))))))


I hope you were able to find something relaxing to do this weekend.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 7:46pm
Thanks for asking. Yes, actually we did have some fun this weekend. It was my grandaughter's 5th birthday and we went to her party. It was nice to see the three grandchildren and my daughter-in-law's family. We all had a nice visit. I love the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 12:51pm

Hi Mary


Oh I totally agree with you.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 11:07am
I am so glad you celebrated a birthday and had all the kiddo's together. I have a 1 year old daughter and she is my parents world! She really lights up there day. Are you close in distance to all of your grandchildren?


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 7:30pm

Hi Liv,

I only wish we were closer to our grandchildren in distance. We have to drive about an hour to see them. That is if the traffic is moving. We have to use the Garden State Parkway in NJ and it's always crowded. However, it's worth the trip just to be with them.

We have another birthday on April 20th. My grandson will turn 7 and then on May 4th my other grandaughter will turn 3. At least we have two more parties to look forward to. Also, on Easter we will go up to spend the day with them. We usually get together about once a month. It is a lot of fun to be with them. We love them.

Mary

Pages