what do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
what do I do?
9
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 9:42pm
My sister is 35 and has stage 3 lung cancer, she has a five year old son.I have been going with her to all of her doctors appointments and taking to get chemo and watching her son. My problem is several.1st one is that I want to go to school for medical billing but I know that I will not be able to devote all my free time to her and her son.At the same time I know that now is the time to do it.When she was first told she had cancer I had just loss my job and was looking into schools, I put that on hold to be there for her.Now my husband wants me to start taking care of myself and go back to school. I feel so guilty for wanting to do it. I feel like no one understands the guilt. I feel like I would be just saying I going back to school you are on your own to deal with it. I know that's not what it says but I don't know how everyone will respond. She says that she understands but at the same time I can see on her face that she is sad about it.Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I feel this way? How can I please my husband my sister and my mother without hurting anyones feelings or make them feel like they are less important? Any advice would a very greatfull.
Thank You
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: dantam93
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:46pm

Welcome to the board.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: dantam93
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 3:59pm
Thanks for your advice.School would be 4 days a week for 4 hrs a day.They have not realy said one way or another if she will beat it or die.They said that normally it would only be a 30% surival but because she is only 35 and for the most part healty that it is higher.They keep telling us every time we ask about it not to worry about,worry about getting thru the treatment first.Its so hard though watching her go thru this.She moved out here 4 years ago, so she doesn't have alot of friends and as far as family its just my mother and I.My mother and her don't get along all the time but they are working on it.My sister just told her yesterday that she can go with her to see the surgeon next week.I am so excited about that.One of the things I am worried about is her son and what will happen to him.His father only sees him once a year and has already told her that if he had custody of him he would take off and no one would see them again.
Thank you again.
Tammy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
In reply to: dantam93
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 9:31pm
Hi Tammy! The main thought I had in reading your message is that first and foremost, what will make you happy? If you want to be there to spend time with your sister and her child, and can afford not to go to school right now, then do that. If you need to go to school for yourself, your family, etc. then please do not feel guilty about going to school. My main concern is that you would be doing it for your husband and thats not the right reason to do it. If you are doing it to help support your family and you want and need to do this, thats great! But don't simply do it to please him. Let him know that at this point you are willing to make other sacrifices to spend that time with her. Just do what your instinct, heart, head, spirit, etc. tells you. What you will be able to live with, with no regrets. Thats always the best way! You can't put your life on hold for her.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: dantam93
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 10:58pm
Thank you.I want to do go back to school to make more money so we can do more things.I talked to the school today and I have worked everything out where I will be able to go and still help her and spend time with her and her son as well as my husband.
Thank you
Tammy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: dantam93
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 12:36am

Hi Tammy


Oh I am so glad you have worked it out with the school and Mom is willing to help.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
In reply to: dantam93
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 10:27am
That is wonderful! I am glad you found a solution you are happy with! School will be an excellent opportunity for you. I would go to school forever if someone would pay for it.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: dantam93
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 6:10pm
Ya I know I just the financial aid comes thru.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2007
In reply to: dantam93
Fri, 03-09-2007 - 8:44pm
Hi,
I wish that you could talk to her.She has refused to get any papers drawn up. I mentioned to her this week getting a paper in place for when she has surgery so that I can take him to get medical treatment incase of emergency. She went nuts. She said that nothing has happened to him in 5 years and there is no need for it.I told her that I am not saying anything will happen to him but its better to prepared for a emergency then not prepared.She keeps saying he is the most important person in her life and I don't understand then why she has nothing in place to protect him.I talked to my uncle who is a
lung cancer surivor for 5 years now and he said that she is still in denial.I wish that I could get her past this stage so that she can deal with these issues. I know that she needs to do it on her terms not mine but its frustrating at the same time. I love her but sometimes I just want to shake her and say wake up before its to late.I want to say thank you to you for replying to my messages I know that I can ramble on sometimes but its comforting to me to know that someone else has been thru this before.We have the same family doctor and when he told her, he gave her his own attornys phone number and told her that he would call him and let him know that she would be calling.She still has not called and that was in December.Thank you again for reading this I look foward to your reply
Tammy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: dantam93
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 2:41am

Hi Tammy


As for sis in denial, sounds she is pushing this off as long as she can.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket