i need advice
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| Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:31am |
Well i am new to this board so its going to be a little long to get the background. I have been dating my boyfriend of 2 and a half years. A year and a half ago my boyfriends dad was diagnosed with liver cancer. He has Hep C from a blood transfusion he never needed. Last February he was bumped to the top of the transplant list and within 17 days got a new liver. He was doing great and we thought he would be fine. Then in October he was having some bone pain and went back to the dr. His cancer was back and has spread to his bones, liver, lungs and lymph nodes. Hewas given 6 months to live. My boyfriend in February decided that he wanted to move up to be with his dad, which is also 10 hours away from us. He is suppose to move next week but got a call last week that his dad was in palliative and would not last much longer. He is up there right now with him until he dies. So i have accepted that he is moving now, not really for anything anymore but its too late now. But he seems to be pushing me away and does not call me or keep me involved in whats going on with his dad. I need some advice on how to help him grieve when he pushes me away and is 10 hours away. I want to be supportive but have never dealt with something like this before. What can i do when he shuts me out...i feel helpless right now.
To make matters worse his mom has been treatiing me very badly and takes everything i try to do for them negatively. I am only trying to help but it makes me feel worse when i feel like i cant be there for my boyfriend because his mom is mad at me. I don't even now if he will want me at the funeral, due to more added pressure on his mom. I chalked it up to her being stressed about all this but what can i do about this whole situation.

Hi and welcome to the board.
I am so sorry your boyfriend is going through so much with his family.
Thank you so much for your support. Of course i will ask if he wants me there for the funeral and i have already made arrangements at work if i go, but if he says he doesnt think i should go i have to respect his wishes. As for his mom, i dont want to add any more pressure than the family already has. I am just not sure what i can do to support him from 10 hours away since he is now moved up there. He is a police officer and so can not transfer back as easy as he moved. This has been so hard for everyone. But thank you very much for the support. I talked to my bf yesterday and they tried taking him home to die, but he is now incontinent and in so much pain they just couldnt do it and took him back to palliative care. Its been so fast as 3 weeks ago he was thinking he would go back to work. Anyway, i will hang in there and keep you posted. Thanks again.
Ruffles
So glad you were able to talk with your boyfriend.
Well i got a call yesterday that his dad had passed away. He was only 61. He called crying and i told him it i am so sorry and asked to attend the funeral, to pay my respects and to be there for him. He told me he did not want me there. I guess i have to respect his wishes but it kind of hurts that he is pushing me away when he should be leaning on me the most. So here i am 10 hours away and feel completely helpless. I am not sure if i can do anything for him. How can i support him from here? I could really use some advice right now. Talk to you soon
Ruufles