Mother has suffered so much and...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Mother has suffered so much and...
11
Fri, 05-25-2007 - 5:54pm

...it's been over 20 years and my mother went through Leukemia (started at around 40 yrs of age), then a bone marrow transplant (BMT) (at Seattle, Wa - we're from Canada! wonderful, much appreciated that Fred Hutch. hosp.). She came home on strong and debillitating medicines and pills. She survived but proceded to have year after year of other health problems stemming from the original BMT. Several years ago it was vein and artery problems, they amputated a leg! She survived even that - I tell you she's the toughest most enduring person I've ever known of. Now she's getting infections due to operations and wounds that won't heal (I think she's resistant to anti-biotics as well, bc she's been taking them off and on for years). Now she's in terrible pain in her body, and is on 50 mg Oxycontin twice a day with another back up med Oxycodon inbetween for added help. I think that's the highest dose she's ever had of pain med. I spoke with her today and said my goodness, what pain would you be in if you didn't have oxycontin? She actually laughed and said I would be dead!

What can I possibly do to help her through this? She's endured so much, I've witnessed years of her suffering, but she always pulled through, now it seems her pain and suffering is getting even worse if that's possible. I feel helpless to comfort her even after 20 plus years of dealing with it. Any way, any good thoughts or prayers will be helpful. I don't know if I should pray for her pain to go away (or atleast go to a more manageable level), or pray for God to end her suffering, she's a good woman and didn't deserve any of this, since I believe in Karma, I often think she's paying some mighty big debt in this life, or she's teaching those around her a big lesson in suffering and stoicism. But, I'll stop rambling here, I needed to get this off my chest.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 2:09am

Welcome to the board.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Sat, 05-26-2007 - 2:26pm

Thank you Philly for your ideas and kind words. I should have elaborated more on our family. My father and oldest brother took on the caregiving as I have a young family to raise (I'm due to have a NB DD in June 1st = less than a week) and my H and I recently separated, so my parents and oldest brother don't "expect" much from me in the last few years, but I think they hoped I would have if I didn't get married and started a family. I think now my parents are happy to have some grandkids (of course), it's a bit of a happy diversion for them. My only other DD is almost 4 and I think she's a very empathic girl, she is a bit shy of her GM (the one who's in ailing health), but my mother is understanding and doesn't pressure my girl for hugs or anything.

Well, mom is very independent, she has a motorized wheelchair (I invite her out for drives, but she doesn't want to go without her chair and I'm not strong enough to lift it, and she won't take the lighter reg. wheel chair (my dad built a ramp for his van). Most of our family live close by and she's even closer to some great scenic parks and a lake, there's a boardwalk along side our city's lake and she goes her dinger joy riding around. Just lately she's been more bed bound, and with me nearing the end of a pregnancy I have just enough energy myself to visit (and sadly not a lot of money for crafting, but I'll make an effort to get something for us to work on, even if it's a dollar store photo album - lol).

It's so bittersweet these last years, mom has taught me so much - like how to not sweat the small stuff. She rarely if ever complains, and actually worries about her kids more than herself, she tolerates my sometimes volitile dad, who we all understand is having a lot on his plate as well. I try my best to hold my tongue, don't always succeed, but my mother is a pro at peacekeeping - lol. She truly is an inspiration for me, but I wouldn't wish any of what she's been through on any one.

I know that we all have to endure suffering in our lifetime to various degrees. They say that God doesn't put more on our shoulders than we can handle, so like I mentioned in my first post I really believe she's here to teach us something compelling and powerful. I think cancer and other terrible illnesses have touched everyone in some time in their lives as well, if there is some positives that we can make from it then that's a good thing - I know for me, like I said, I've learned a lot and changed my own personality for the better. And public forums filled with compassion like this one is also a great thing IMHO. Thanks again, Karma.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 05-27-2007 - 11:36pm

One of the things I wish I had done with my Mom is take out all the old pictures she had of her family etc.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 5:20am

Hi Philly, and thanks again for your positive words. Well, I'm having the C-section today and I'm still keeping positive. My mom is now in the very hospital I'm going for the C-section at, but more sadly is that my dad and bro. don't think I should visit her because of fear of infection getting to me or the baby :o( - mom is said to have jaundice now too - I swear all the drama in my life seems to hit at once. She's now on morphine and they tell me she's "resting comfortably". Bro. tells me she's slowly improving but "you never know...what can you do?" is his exact words.

Well, another bittersweet is that this is my second child and "another girl", so the hoop-la isn't all that much this time. It's like, oh well (to my family) been there, done that. LOL.

I was sad to read about your relatives - so many hit with cancer! That's awful. There's been very few in my family who passed that way. I see more pass away at their own poor lifestyle choices (mostly alcoholism), I blame it on our Scottish heritage. I'm glad my parents immigrated to Canada before I was born - the scottish "partying" ways never was appealing to me.

Well, even I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around having the baby soon. A new life in my home ;o). Life truly does go on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 2:15pm

Hello


Well I am excited for you!!!!

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 2:30pm
I heard there was a cyber shower in the works and wanted to pop in and share our happiness for you!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Wed, 06-06-2007 - 4:58am

Hi guy/gals, and thanks again for the best wishes. It's been bittersweet the last week. My mother is still in hospital - my family says I could visit her "very briefly" today "minus the children" - my mother has a couple of infectious issues, and they worry about other nearby patients.

The baby is just wonderful. 7 lbs, 4 oz at birth, a girl, I named her Amanda and Rose for a middle name (I had 2 aunts named Rose so it just seemed to fit in).

Well, I will be very busy in the coming weeks, but I'll try and check back in from time to time. Babies sure can be a busy diversion.

Liz - aka, karmaphobia

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Sun, 06-17-2007 - 1:55am


Oh what a beautiful name!!!


Thank you Liz for getting


back with us to let us know


that you and baby are fine.


Keeping your Mom in my prayers.


Gentle Hugs


Philly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 5:08pm
Oh honey, don't beat yourself up. We are only given what we can handle. Your mother is doing the best she can. When you pray, just pray for the best. Don't try to figure out what that is, just know that the best is what's best for her. I watched my mother dwindle and die, and as hard as it was, it was for the best. Now I'm hoping my father will pull through, but I know things will go the way they are meant to. Take care sweetie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 7:13pm
Thanks Imanne for the great advice, thanks again Philly. Mom is back home and doing o.k., she now has a morphine drip machine to manage her pain. She truly is a fighter. I took the baby and my preschooler over for a visit today and mom was sitting in her chair playing with my oldest as best she could and she was very glad to look upon her latest grand daughter, btw the NB is a total gem she sleeps so well and doesn't have a lot of NB fuss such as my oldest did - lol. So, thanks again I'm sure all your thoughts and prayers have helped, as things truly are working for the best, best wishes to you guys too. Liz

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