My Mom Doesn't Want Me &Poss Lung Cancer
Find a Conversation
My Mom Doesn't Want Me &Poss Lung Cancer
| Thu, 06-07-2007 - 7:41pm |
My mother recently went to the doctor for a head cold and fatigue that she couldn't get rid of. Headcolds were on going around our family so it didn't alarm us at the time. She is a 68 year old that has been smoking for 44 years. While at the doctor on Monday for her cough and fatigue, they additionally took an x-ray of her lungs since she was a long term smoker. As soon as she came home Monday, they called immediately and told her to come in the next day. They gave her - her x-rays to take to her new CAT scan appointment they made due to her x-ray revealings. Her lower left lung has collapsed, her heart is affected and they have noted calcifications. Her dad had lung cancer in 1968. Her x-rays are very similar to his. In short, we talked then carried on other conversations in casual. We both did not know what to think of the x-rays, but were making light of them. In hindsight, she must have been making light of them because her fear was huge. We've been through other scares in our lifetimes - so we knew that it could be anything. I am now beginning to think she knows more than she was telling me. In short, she picked a fight with me and told me that she didn't want to see me for another year - (we had been estranged for a year and only now began amends) then she said that she would rather not see me for another 10 years. What do I do? This cross is huge. Why can't I be there for her? I love her. Does this sound like lung cancer to you? I don't know and I can't call her. I upset her. I don't want my presence to upset her. This cross is huge. Please help and advise. Kris

Hello
I am so sorry about your Mom.
Thank you Philly. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I know that we tend to miss those that we love whether we get along with them or not. My mother and I were rather close for many years, but mostly because I was codependent to her alcohol. Otherwise, she never did much with me. As I got older and with kids of my own, I have been putting a stop to the codependency and it's not been setting well with her. She's a "functional" alcoholic. She drinks in the evening when it's basically "none of my business", but she doesn't make for a great hangover the following day either.
There is a very strong likeliness that this is lung cancer. She's had a few other scares over the past couple of years as well. I believe she will be going to get her CAT scan tomorrow. She has one brother and he is a complete alcoholic and really is not much of a brother to her. One of my grown brothers is a severe and very sick diabetic. The other lives across town and is basically non-existent. Even if any of them step up to the plate and help her - it won't be lasting. I am the one designated to pull the plug if necessary. I suppose now she will want to change that. I really can't imagine who will be taking care of her. If she leaves this world without wanting any reconciliation with me - it will scar myself and my family. I have contacted a counselor. I hope she will be of help. My road ahead is going to be very rocky and I'm certain my mother wants it to be. It's sick in every sense. I'm already having moments of being fine to the next moment unexpected despair while in public at times as well. I don't know when the despair comes. It just comes and I have to step away from what I am doing in order to compose myself. Is this typical of a patient possibly being diagnosed with cancer to be hostile to those around her?
Krisalex
Hi
I think everyone deals with it differently.
Philly,
Oh thank you so much. I saw her tonight - we missed understood each other Tuesday - we had been somewhat estranged over the past year, and I didn't want to be estranged again - so I said, "No mom - not another year." She thought I said - "Let it be another year." So she quickly responded. "Another year? Make it ten." Philly - by email we have sinced corresponded and straightened that out. She and my father have been facing this alone since Tuesday. She had her CAT scan Friday and won't know the results until next week. I quickly went to her house and no sooner than I walked through the door she just grabbed me and cried and cried. Oh Philly - she's so scared and I wasn't able to be there. I told her over and over and over - "Mom I will never leave you again. I will be here every step of the way. I will be here every single step." Philly - I've watched her health decline and it's been me the entire way to get her to the doctor. I've been paying attention all along - her hoarse throat, her shoulder hurting (they diagnosed a year and a half ago, pleuresy (sp). I quit smoking seven years ago - just for the day that she was ready to quit - I was her living example that there's life after cigarettes. Philly - the doctor that diagnosed her with pleuresy - we've since discovered never gave my mother a 40 plus year smoker a chest x-ray. EVERY step of the way - I've done every thing in my power to save her from this pain. Why the h-ll did that doctor not x-ray her chest? Why Philly why? She was drinking last night - oh she doesn't need to do that. Oh I need prayers. Her breathing sounds so bad. It's in the middle of the night and I've woken up angry at every doctor that saw her. I did everything and they did little until this recent doctor was smart enough to check her lungs with an x-ray after she came in with a "head cold". We pay so much money for insurance - please tell me it wasn't insurance that influenced every doctor before this to not take an x-ray. I've done everything Philly - everything. I will go after the insurance companies with all my heart and might after we get through this. Oh Philly - she was facing this alone for the past four days because of a misunderstanding between the two of us. God this all hurts so bad. Thank you for responding. kris
Hi
Oh I am so glad you and Mom have straightened all this out.