When to have treatement?
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When to have treatement?
| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:02pm |
My dh's doc has said that he can wait up to five years to have treatment on his prostate cancer before they would insist that it was "time." Due to the enlargement of his prostate, this is problematic, however. We have not had a normal sex life for five+ years for various reasons. Am I wrong to want him to put off treatment for another year for this reason? Does that make me a bad wife? ARGH I am so frustrated! I am 45yo. I ended up going through my sexual peak in a LDR and then him having ED. Then, to know that he may not be able to have an erection again after removal plus he will lose length to his penis. It's just not fair. He was 56yo when we got married. He'd had a full and good sex life with approx. 75 partners. I was 38yo when we got married. I'd been sexually molested growing up and raped repeatedly and sexually abused by my xh. Having sex with my dh is heaven. I had no idea. I am so torn up inside about the whole thing. I feel very selfish when I think of it from this POV. He is planning on having surgery in Jan. I want him to wait until Jan '09. Is that horrid of me? The cancer isn't going anywhere, an exact quote from the doc. We finally have a script for pills that we use when we can afford them. They may or may not work after the surgery. I am so torn apart and feeling very selfish.













Hello
This is a difficult question to answer.
Thank you for your gentle touch on your answer to me. I talked to him about this today. His cancer is not going to change for at least five years according to the docs. It will not spread. It will not grow. However, the enlarged prostate could start causing problems which is a bonus in having the surgery that this problem is taken care of as well. In talking to him, I explained how I was feeling. He agreed to talk to the docs about this at his appt next week. He's nervous about the whole thing, too. What worries me is that he is NEVER an ostrich (burying his head in the sand) about ANYTHING. He is doing that with the surgery. He finally went and looked at a web site that showed a pic of the incision. He didn't realize until this week that it causes a loss of length in his penis. This is not like him at all. However, he did tell me from the start that he is counting on me to be the one to do this research and ask the doc the questions about this kind of thing. I really did not realize HOW much he meant that. He's trying to NOT worry about it. So I guess I should really get busy this weekend and put together a new list of concerns and questions for the doc since that is left to me. I don't mind at all. I just didn't realize how heavily he was leaning on me for this until writing this just now. Wow! He's never leaned on me like this. I'm the one who has done most of the leaning in our relationship due to my chronic illnesses, etc. I have Bipolar Type II, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety Disorder, SAD, ADD, sleep disorder of some kind, osteoarthritis, and moderate to severe atypical asthma. Since his diagnosis of cancer, I also went through a cancer scare with my mammography. It turned out to look very much like cancer, but it was scar tissue on top of scar tissue probably caused by being punched there by my xh, and I had to go off of all of my psychiatric meds due to liver dysfunction caused by one or more of my meds. That is still a work in progress as it always will be now.
Anyway, thank you again for your kind answer.
I am unable ot give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.
I am so glad you and your dh talked about the issues.