I just found out about my dad

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
I just found out about my dad
2
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 2:04am
I got an e-mail from my sister today to tell me my father has colon cancer. He won't go for treatment until he gets back from a trip he has been planning. I don't think he'll go for chemo or radiation. He's just that way. I'm really scared. I'm close to my dad, but no one called me. I just got an e-mail. I'll call him tomorrow, but it's too late to call him tonight. I just don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-25-2007 - 8:39am

Hello and welcome to the board.


I am so sorry Dad has received this news.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 8:31pm

So sorry to hear about your dad. I got the same news about my dad. It wasn't in an e-mail. It was actually face to face. But, it was on Christmas Day of 2005. Nice present, huh?! Either way, it's never good news to hear. And some people don't know how to break it. So try to be easy on your sis.

I thought my dad would be the same way - stubborn and refusing treatment. He never went to the doctor and was always a "warrior," like we used to call him growing up. In fact, when my parents first told me, they really made it sound like no big deal. In any case, to my surprise, he's been on chemo ever since he was diagnosed. What do you know, people change.

As you go down this road, you'll hear a lot about "quality of life." I used to hate that phrase for obvious reasons. There are medical things that we'll never understand about cancer - especially when we don't have it. And if going on a trip makes your dad happy, then that's what's important. My dad's colon cancer has spread to his liver and both of his lungs. Last month we found out that the tumor in his liver had doubled in size. I would assume that someone should start chemo immediately after that. But not my dad. He had a month long trip with my mom planned. And that's what they did. Because that's what made him happy.

I think we tend to hold our loved ones with cancer a lot more accountable for things...maybe for selfish reasons. I didn't want my dad to go on a trip because I thought he needed to start treatment right away. But he wanted to spend time with my mom when things were good and he was feeling well enough. I get angry at him for not "taking better care of himself." Because I want him to be around forever. But mom my - who is healthy and cancer free - could be taken from us in a tragic accident tomorrow.

Life is short. But cancer isn't always a death sentance. My co-worker's father was diagnosed with prostate cancer 11 years ago. He was given a few months to live. I am happy to say that he is alive and living well today with his cancer in remission.

I'm sorry if this is sort of rambling on. I have had a rough day myself. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Keep talking. And keep asking questions. Even though sometimes the answers may be hard to take. We're here if you need us.