husband is terminal w/ head & neck cance
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husband is terminal w/ head & neck cance
| Tue, 06-26-2007 - 7:05pm |
My husband has had cancer for 2 1/2years now. He had his 1st surgery 2 weeks before are 1st wedding aniversary. He had head and neck cancer. the surgeon gave him a 50 50 chance of survival. The cancer is now in his spine and liver. He has had all different types of chemo and he is now on his 5th time of radiation, I don't know how much he can stand. The doctors have told him no more treatment for his liver. It makes me so mad, he is only 49years old. We have only been married 3years! I feel robbed and I can't believe doctors are giving up on him. I am trying to find other options. We have already had a 2nd opinion. Has anyone gone to the Sloan Kettering Hospital in NY? That is suppose to be the best, we are going to try that. In the mean time, I worry about me. I never cry about it. I am totally unemotional. I think I want to pretend everything is normal. Does anyone else feel like this? My friends think I need to talk to someone.

Hi
I am so sorry you and your husband are going thru this. I just lost my Mom last month and she was 58 and had Colon cancer that moved to the liver and brain before she had even been diagnosed. Her doctors gave up on her liver as well as it was failing. My brother knows people in the medical community and has recommended Sloan Kettering; I hear it's top notch. I understand how this hurts and yet you feel like it's not really happening to you. Sometimes when the phone rings I think maybe Mom is calling me but then I remember that she's not. She was very strong and courageous and never cried over her condition. The only time I heard her cry was when she was first going for surgery (she had never had surgery before) and when she saw the scar (she thought that no man would want to be with her with a scar like that). I so hope that things work out for you and your husband. Has he thought of natural or herbal medicine? I see commercials all the time for the Cancer Institute of America but don't have first hand knowledge of them. God bless you both and I will be praying for you!!
Steph
I think it's okay to be on autopilot right now. My husband has Stage IV lung cancer and it metastacized to his brain. We're at the end of normal chemo and starting trials next week (hopefully. He's been turned down for two so far). He's 53; we've been married 12 years and went through a real rough patch and had just started getting everything on an even keel when he was diagnosed.
Our oncologist doesn't tell us anything and the trial thing just keeps dragging out. I know how you feel about doctors giving up. Wouldn't it be nice if they just said, "We're really sorry, there's nothing else we have that will help?" I like to know what's going on and that's definitely not happening with our team.
If you think seeing someone would help you cope, go for it. I've been through hospice 4 times in the past 5 years; Get help wherever you can. I started going to a therapist in May, but my husband couldn't understand why I needed one and I got tired of trying to explain to him that I'm not coping, his cancer is affecting me too. So you may have to weigh your husband's feelings about this. Maybe there's a cancer support group in your area? I haven't tried that yet. Considering what you're going through, I think you're doing okay. I've managed to alienate my friends because I'm tired of never having anything positive to tell them. I wish you the best, darlin' it's a shame that all the good people seem to get the short end of the stick, while the real sobs seem to live forever. I'm here if you need to rant!
Hello
If you feel the doctors are giving up, then reach out.
I am so sorry loss.
It is so difficult
You are not alone dear.
You would think there would be more support for the caregiver, you know? My husband makes me so mad and then I feel guilty for being angry. He coerced me into leaving my job (which I hated, so it wasn't a big push), but now he's wanting me to find another job. Not sure how I'm going to do that since between MRIs, labs, and chemo...not to mention the bad days when he can't get around, I can't even work part-time. Looking at working from home...my daughter-in-law told be about what her mom's doing and it looks okay, nothing what I'm used to. Thank God he's ex-government and the insurance is his. The lab work is killing us, but the doctor visits and scrips are doable.
I'm on anti depressants, and I really can't tell the difference unti I DON'T TAKE them, then I cry for little or no reason. I've been stressed for years, but if i kept busy I didn't have to think about things, so that was my escape. Now I can't seem to get interested in anything.
Sweetie, I don't know what to suggest. Me, I'd go for anything to reduce stress, you could try the antidepressants (I'm on Zoloft..they level me off but don't make me an "I Don't Care Bear). I'll keep praying for you but it seems like God & I are in a stand off right now... Just make as much time as you can to be with your sweetie. I didn't do that for my mom or dad or sister (lost them all within 5 years) and the guilt still kills me. Lots of big hugs to you. (It's your turn to vent to me now :))