Extended family members good or bad!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2004
Extended family members good or bad!
2
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 12:24pm
Just want to vent. So My husband is on hospice and I am in charge of his care and decision making. What to do with family members such as a brother who he has talked to rarely except under situations as this start getting involved. Not to really help, but calling Hospice to get information when with the laws they can't tell him anything anyway because he is not on the list to give information to. Since the brother had quit his job recently which is the medical profession somewhat he knows the laws, but he is concerned because with all the medication that my H is so confused. So instead of spending time with him and helping he has started calling our Hospice contacts to see what the criteria is till he goes into the in care serives. Which he is not ready for and that is between Hospice and Me and my kids anyway. Meanwhile not knowing the full situation and that our insurance has quit covering HospiceI asked him to come by at noon to give the pain shots which got him all involved. But for some reason he calls their office and I feel like behind my back is checking on the medication and care and what we are to do with him. Then I also find out that Him and my step-son have been discussing the situation. Which we had a big family falling out and have not talked to the step-son for 2 yrs anyway, but now they are concerned and involved. I don't really want to totally dis include them, but I don't want them checking behind my back either. I have been married for 25 yrs. and with all the stress of everything why can't they just jump in and help, why be calling and double checking when they can't find out anything anyway. Help instead of hurt and cause problems. I am doing the best I can and doing what the nurses say. Yes he is confused and will be or he will either be in pain. We just have to deal with it and don't need people second quessing before they know what all he has been through in the last 8 mo. I go home everynight and have been thru him feeling bad through the treatments and now dealing with it everyday and they are just now coming into the picture and don't understand what we have been going thru each day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 5:46pm

I haven't been in your situation but I feel bad for you. Its enough that you have to deal with your husband's illness, family shouldn't make it harder. I think honesty is the best approach, if they start stepping on your toes, tell them so in an up-front, as polite-as- possible way that you want them to be there for your husband but they are not decision makers about his care, that is between you and his doctors. You have a lot of tough decisions to make and feeling like they are second-guessing you is NOT helping a bit. It seems like the family members who are least involved before a tragedy always want to stick their nose in. Anyway, it sucks and I'm sorry you are dealing with it.

Cathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 10:19am

Hello and welcome to the board.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

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