I don't want to be strong
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| Wed, 09-19-2007 - 3:48pm |
We were told a month ago that my mom is dying of cervical cancer, basically she has 6-12 months. When we got the news we decided that we would just going to spend what ever time we have enjoying each other. However she has spent the last month in the hospital in sever pain, I am sure most of you know about how horrible the pain is that I am talking about. So now after watching her week after week we have decided that we can't keep putting things off for when she gets out of the hospital, we have to make memories everyday. Well I am the youngest of her 3 kids, the baby, her baby. Honestly I am tired of going everyday talking to her about day to day events, smiling as if things are okay. What I want to do is let my my feet fall from under me, roll on the floor, kicking and screaming, telling her how much I am going to miss her, and how hurt my heart is. I feel like I need to tell her how I feel so that she completely understands that I love her so much and my life is never going to be the same. In my 28 years with her I can't remember a day with out hearing her voice. Every time she touches my face I just want to hold it in that same place and I try and memorize it's warmth. I am so tired of being strong, I am angry and sad. the hardest thing is that I don't want to tell my family member how I feel because I know they love her just as much as I do.

I can relate. I was told just yesterday that hospice care rather then recovery is our focused now. I am so terrified of what my world will be with out her. I want to tell her but I do not want to worry her.
I am so sorry you too have to deal with this. I know how you feel and I know how empty other peoples condolences can seem, but you are in my thoughts.
I was almost comforted by seeing that someone in the world is going through what I am. Good luck.
I lost my Mom to cancer of the brain.
Hello and Hugs Somoya,
I can really relate to how you feel .. not wanting to be strong .. You know, you might just be surprised that your family would welcome you saying just how you are feeling.
May Angels Watch Over You For Me
My website of my some of the poems I have written:
http://www.geocities.com/gailbird33/<