My Husband Newly Diagnosed With Cancer
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| Thu, 10-25-2007 - 8:13am |
My 42 year old husband was diagnosed with "Low Growth Lymphoma" on 10/19/2007. He had a lymph node removed from his groin area and the biopsy showed a malignancy. We have no real information other than that. We are STILL waiting on all the Doctors to get it together so we can go to an oncologist. In the meantime......I AM TERRIFIED.
The craziest thing is how hard it is to separate previous experiences with Cancer from this experience. All cancers are NOT the same....are they? My grandmother (really like my mom) was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma and I stepped in to take care. She went through Chemo, it didn't work. I held her while she was so very sick, I cleaned up after her, I made her eat, I prayed with her. Then when it was Hospice time, I changed her diapers, I flushed her IVs, I rubbed pain relieving gel on her because she could not swallow. I listened at night to her ragged breathing, counting the seconds between breaths, praying that it would be her last breath - but at the same time praying that she would take another breath. I watched this beautiful, vibrant, woman completely fall apart. Those final weeks were the nightmare I feared all along. When she died, I thought that was the last time I would face something like that for a very very long time. I felt numb, but I was left with a deep fear of the word Cancer. I never wanted to see another person I loved live through such a horrible event.
Last year (11/14/2006) I had a complete hysterectomy, due to endometriosis. I, again, thought that was one of the most emotionally draining events. I do not have a child, and believe me when I say that having a child was definitely something I wanted. Losing the hope of that ever happening broke my heart in ways I cannot fully explain in words - even today - a year later. But it was not cancer. That was one of my mantras then....I will never have reproductive cancer. I felt that the surgery was a sort of preventative step to at least rule out that type of cancer.
Once recovered from the surgery, I took a deep breath, and said to myself "Whew! Now we can relax a bit!"
I WAS WRONG. Now, my big strong husband is fighting cancer. Cancer. Cancer. No matter how many times you say it, it is still devastating. The words keeps going through my head.
We do not know what is in store next. Chemo...how does it affect someone so much younger and stronger than my grandmother? How will this affect our marriage? How will this financially affect us? How will I be able to cope? How much can I fall apart around him? Should I always be strong? How long do I have to maintain brave? When can I drop the brave and cry? Will crying make him feel bad?
I don't have a huge family. All I have is 1 cousin that also serves as my very best friend, she has her limitations as well. The biggest is that she is not a big emotional talker. She has the ostrich syndrome - if we don't discuss it, then it will go away. I also have a few good friends, but who wants to be the "downer"?
Anyway, I just felt the compelling need to say all that out loud to someone. I have read the posts here and it does seems like a safe place.
Thank you for reading.

Hello Holly
Oh you have been through so very much.
Thank you for your kind words - and the links to information.
I appreciate the welcome - I will be around......I need to the venting and the safe place to ask questions and be weak.
This is one scary situation.
Hi Holly,
I am so sorry you and your husband are going through so much.
I am in the same position - only perhaps worse.
My husband also was diagnosed with Prostate cancer on 10/1/07.
my heart goes out to you.
(((((((((((((waynenan))))))))))))))
I am so sorry you are both going through this.
Thank You for responding to me.
Hello
Yes holiday time is very difficult when one has so much worry.
Wow Holly,
I don't even know what to say other than I am praying for you and your family.