New to board & angry

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
New to board & angry
6
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 5:27am

I've been trying to take each day as it came. But after yesterday, I just couldn't take it any longer. I'll start pretty much at the beginning. I'm flying half-way across the country this weekend to see my favorite uncle for the very last time. I have to say good bye to him because he has stage IV cancer. He kept going to the doctor and ER with horrible stomach problems. After losing 60 lbs, I guess the finally decided to take him seriously. By the time they found the cancer, they discovered that it was in his liver, pancreas, stomach, and lymphnodes. It had originated from a tumor in his liver. He has been tried going through chemo, but he has had so many complications and now the cancer is so advanced that there is nothing else they can do for him but keep him comfortable.


Then there's my best friend's dad, who is like my second dad. I really look up to this man. He is a retired police officer. He had to retire early because his heart was failing him before his body was. He told me he felt useless because he couldn't do anything around the house or even play with his grandkids. He ended up with throat cancer. He had surgery and had part of his trachea removed. He went on some kind of oral form of radiation and had to have an iodine free diet for quite a while. This whole time his heart was only functioning at 15-25% most of the time. Plus he is diabetic. He has pretty much been in the hospital since August which was when they removed a toe because of an infection. He contracted MRSA while in the hospital. He's gone from 260 lbs to 190 lbs from August to now. We don't think he's going to live much longer.


My best friend, whose father I talked about above, went for her yearly exam. The doctor was feeling her throat glands we he found several nodules. She is my age, 29. She has a 6 year old daughter. December 11 she is going in to have her thyroid removed and the nodules because they think it might be cancer.


Now I will come back to yesterday. My cockatiel Petri, has been actiing sick. She's been sitting in her cage, feathers all fluffed up, shaking, not saying anything, plus I noticed she wasn't bearing any weight on her left claw. I thought that this was just a respiratory infection. She's had this before. They gave her antibiotic drops and she got better. I took her to the vet. They gave her a complete check over and said that she seemed pretty healthy. Then the vet looked at her claw. Where her claw meets the leg, that joint was swollen and felt warm to the touch. He was worried she might have fractured it so the took her off to x-ray it. When he came back. The news was bad. The joint was being worn away. Then he started telling me that they could do a biopsy as soon as today or it could just be an infection but it was highly unlikely considering the x-ray. He never mentioned the "C" word. So I asked. Could it be cancer. And he told me it was highly likely that it was bone cancer. He said they could amputate the leg, because birds can get around fine with one leg because they use their beak so much climbing around. True. But, there was no guarantee that the cancer wouldn't pop back up somewhere else. This is the first pet I bought when I moved out on my own. She was always there to greet me, always there to literally talk to me. The thing is, I can't afford surgery. I don't want her to suffer through surger and then chance the cancer coming back. I love her to death. I don't want to put her to sleep yet. I'm going to monitor her weight and keep and eye on how she's getting around in the cage. That's all still normal. If she start's getting worse then I won't let her suffer anymore. Does anyone think I'm wrong for doing this? I've called pet agencies and they can't help me out financially. God knows if I could help her I would.


It seems like cancer has invaded my life. Everywhere I turn there IT is. My hair is literally falling out from stress. My stomach can't tolerate much more of this. Emotionally, I don't know how much more of this I can take. Why all the good people. Why do they have to suffer the most. I just don't understand. Why animals? What could thay have possibly done to deserve this? Especially a bird. I won't even be able to afford to fly back and go to my uncle's funeral. I hate money. We can't even get and emergency, compassion, or hardship discount. I've made so many phone calls to airlines that go into that airport, travel agencies. Everything I could do. Yes, I'm angry. Yes, I know this is one of the stages of grief. It's just not fair. I lose it everyday now. I guess that's a healthy thing. Right? Thanks to anyone who responds.


Becky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 10:33am

Hello Becky


I am so very sorry you are going through so much right now.

Hope everyone has a great Summer!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 3:44pm

Welcome to the board, Becky.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Wed, 11-14-2007 - 1:40pm

Becky-


I read your post and saw myself in so much of it!


I am really sorry for all you are going through.


Last October I lost my uncle to cancer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Tue, 11-20-2007 - 9:48am

Becky,


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Wed, 11-21-2007 - 6:50pm

Becky, I feel your anger!



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 8:24pm

Hi Becky,


Sorry to hear about all of your bad luck. When I was sick with stage IVB Lung cancer, I took alot of comfort in my faith, family & friends.