What does he need?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
What does he need?
2
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 6:56pm

Hi Everyone,


I hope this is the right place to come.  I've been reading some of the messages posted and it is breaking my heart.  I lost my grandmother some years back to breast cancer and so know a small amount of the pain and heartache associated with this disease but find myself in very unfamiliar territory right now.


I am currently dating a wonderful man, probably the most amazing man I have ever dated, and things are going very well.  However, when we first started communicating he told me his mother had just been diagnosed with cancer.  The doctors have said it is terminal and the chemo is not working.  Right now his mother is in the hospital having almost died earlier this week from an infection in her bowls.  This situation does not look good for her though I pray for a miracle all the time.  The doctor has told him that he should stop treatment and manage the symptoms but he does not believe this is the right decision.  I stand by whatever he decides.


My question to you all is what does he need from me?  I try to just listen and empathize without saying too much.  He is a very strong man has made it his personal mission to "get her well".  As I stated before, I have seen the devistation this disease causes but cannot imagine watching my mother go through it.  While I know what it is like to not have a parent, my father died when I was quite young, I am simply at a loss as to how to help this man that I am growing to care for more and more.  It has only been a couple of months since we have been talking/dating so I don't want to impose on him.  He seems more than happy to see me and often initiates dates/hanging out.  Can anyone give me some advice as to how a significant other can best support someone who is going through this?


Thanks for any thoughts/opinions on this.


 


Heather


 


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 11:32am

Heather-


That is a great question.


When my mom was dying from cancer this year, one of my siblings didn't want to see the gravity of the situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 4:31pm

Heather,


If i can put it simply...just listen, hug him, hold him.