Parents with cancer

Avatar for jody_smile_eeyore
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Parents with cancer
8
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 6:42pm

Hi all,


Let me preface this by apologizing for the novel! I just needed to vent...


My name is Jody, while I've been an "ivillager" for about 8 years, I've never been to this board... but this summer - my dad's brain Cancer came back (4th time, over a 10 year period) and his health declined rapidly - In Aug. my sister (who had been driving from Ga, with 5 kids every weekend) called saying she couldn't do it anymore and begging me to come out. I went back to Florida to "rescue" him and he was near death, mostly from depression and not eating or getting out of bed. I am a tough cookie, so I forced him to go into the hospital - but basically I spent 3 weeks getting berated, cussed at, and yelled at by a very angry man.


Fast forward to the present - he is much better physically, he is tolerating his chemo - but his mental status is so much worse - he has become a very angry, irrational man. He recently "dis-owned" me & my sisters, called me a little bit*h (amongst other things) and is growing increasingly paranoid. He is legally blind - but refuses to stop driving - forcing me to tell him I will report him to authorities (the source of most of the anger towards me)! I simply cannot risk the damage he could do to someone in that car. This man - my dad - while always selfish - was also a really fun, easy going, and affectionate dad. He adored my kids (and his his other grandkids)and they him -  he loved to wrestle and play with them; even after more than a year - my little one still remembers how much fun grampa was.


But that man is gone. He has been replaced by this angry, hostile, paranoid man - who flat out refuses to listen to anyone! But he can totally pull it together for his docs - so they think we are just over-reacting! I go back and forth between accepting that there isn't anything I can do - to wanting desperately to find the dad I know and love.


On top of all that - shortly after I got back from Fl, my mom (who lives in CA) told me her Cancer (Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma) was back too. She had already begun chemo and was tolerating it well. Thankfully, unlike my dad, she is doing amazingly well - she is in good spirits and fighting her cancer all the way. But I suddenly realized I had to "choose" a parent. If they both needed me, I'd have to invest most of my time emotional energy in to the one parent who raised me - my mom.


I'm tired and resentful (towards dad) I think the only thing I can do is let him know we love him - talk to his docs and let him be. He has lived life to it's fullest and deeply resents being sickly and old now. I know this isn't my dad - but I don't know if it's the meds (he's on 9) the brain tumors, or if he's so angry because thought he'd just go in his sleep one night (but wouldn't we all like to go out that way).


I'm tired. My depression is at it's worst and my kids aren't getting their whole mommy - so I'm resentful too. All of which I feel guilty about.


~Jody~

  Mommy to: Zoe 8/14/00 scan0001.jpg


   and Christopher 4/1/03 CIMG0499-1.jpg picture by jodyd


                                                  


 

Wife to Cory: 9/16/95

RossLake1-1.jpg picture by jodyd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2004
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 8:18pm

jody,



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-24-2007 - 9:16pm

Jody,


I'm so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time with dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 12:10am

Jody, I am so sorry for all that you are going through with your parents, especially with your dad.

Photobucket

Avatar for jody_smile_eeyore
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 4:54pm

Thank you Krystin - I know this angry man

Wife to Cory: 9/16/95

RossLake1-1.jpg picture by jodyd

Avatar for jody_smile_eeyore
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 5:51pm

Suzanne,


I am so sorry to hear about your parents as well. It must be so difficult for you to see your dad this way - and it sounds as though he's taking most of his anger out on your poor mom. I

Wife to Cory: 9/16/95

RossLake1-1.jpg picture by jodyd

Avatar for jody_smile_eeyore
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 6:10pm

Maggie,


Thank you for giving me permission to think of my family

Wife to Cory: 9/16/95

RossLake1-1.jpg picture by jodyd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 7:36pm
I totally agree with what you are saying here Maggie.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 7:59pm

Jody,


My heart breaks for you when you tell me some of the things that you've been through with your dad.