Mil and breast cancer (sorry, long)
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| Tue, 03-04-2008 - 4:06pm |
first I have no idea what name I am about to post under. the name at the top right by the word Welcome has my non cl name but the name at the 'from' on this post shows my cl name??? If it turns out to be my cl name, I apologize in advance. I've never had both my names show up at the same time before.
I found this board by first looking for a breast cancer board and there was a link for this board on there.
My mil battled breast cancer for over a year. Started with the mammo, then lumpectomy, followed by mastectomy, chemo and radiation. She had a very aggressive kind. A random test of 7 lymph nodes found them all cancerous. Her chemo was one I believe I've seen mentioned in different threads on this board. The nickname being 'red devil'. Most of you who have been through this yourself or seen loved ones know that it's brutal. Very brutal.
Anyway, a couple of months after finishing her chemo she had her PET scan, blood work, etc .. and was 'clear'. she looked great, felt great ... sounded great (as in "she" was back in her voice if that makes sense). That lasted only a couple of months and she started having pains in her stomach area (high up, near breast bone) and feeling sick.
Few tests later she finds out that 6 months after being clear, it's back. It's spread. It's now in her right breast, lungs (one side), liver and sternum. This is of course not curable. Terms cancer drs use ya know. Treatable but not curable. Could live a few days, weeks or years but other than a miracle never 'cured'.
She's not really being very open about 'time' at this point with us. I am not sure, although, I suspect time has been discussed. She's having chemo again, a trial run, then another scan to see if the cancer is same/smaller/larger and then a decision will be made regarding treatments.
My dh is in denial. I don't mean he's hopeful, b/c there is a difference. He's in serious denial. I sort of feel like if I knew a 'basic' time frame, I could be prepared to help him ... does that make sense?
I mean I KNOW logicaly no one knows really. But I've read enough to know that this kind of spreading,in so many areas, this fast is very, very bad.
I don't even know what I am asking here - I mean, I know you all can't look at me and say "she prolly has about 6 months" and I don't even know if I want to know.
I just worry so much about my husband because he just is in such a deep denial that it frightens me that he won't be able to deal with realitiy when it's in his face. I mean logically I know he will, people do it every day. They deal with loss. Loss is part of life. You wake up each day and just 'keep going'. But his level of denial is just ... I don't even know the words.
My sil went to the dr yesterday (dh's sister) to have a lump checked out, they also found 4 more and are sending her for a mammo. They asked her for family history and when they learned about mil and her 'history' they actually asked sil how much time she'd been given. Sort of threw sil for a loop since she's also in denial although more in a surreal way than a logical way.
Their family history is frightening. Both of mil's parents died of cancer (lung), a year apart a little over 20 years ago. The only brother died of brain cancer which started as skin cancer a few years later. While mil was having her chemo one sister passed who had been having chemo and radiation for a while. 6 months later another sister died just 2-3 weeks after being dx, also of cancer.
I look at my kids and think of that history and I am scared. Not overly so - it doesn't 'rule' me if that makes sense. It's just a thought in the back of my mind.
Breast cancer has also affected my side of the family with 2 of my mom's sister having had it. One is a 5+ yr survivor, the other passed when the cancer returned and spread a year after the first time. A maternal aunt also had it. Other family members had different kinds of cancer.
I just don't understand cancer, but does anyone?
Anyhoo - my post sure did turn into a ramble that really asked nothing. I am just glad to see a board of support for this.

Hi Sandy
I am so sorry MIL is so ill.
Welcome Sandy.
she's pretty homebound right now.
thanks for the welcome and your post.
I will keep you and your MIL in my thoughts and prayers.
I found you to be VERY compassionate!