How can she change so much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
How can she change so much?
5
Mon, 04-28-2008 - 5:08pm

Last year my Mom literally collapsed in my arms when I arrived from out of state to visit her for her birthday.  An ambulance ride and a few thousand tests (it seemed like it!) later.... she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma in advanced stages.


She now lives with me.  The docs have told us she has about 6-12 months time to live her life.  She is weak and cannot do a lot.  It has been devastating to all of us.


I cannot imagine being in her shoes and I have know clue how I would react in her spot or how she is truly feeling physically.  We talk and she tells me of course, but it is still hard to really understand from her viewpoint.   What is blowing me away is that not only can I see her fading away physically... but she is being less and less like herself.  Mom has always been such a sweet and positive person.  Now she goes through days of ordering me to to things for her with little regard to civility or kindness, very negative and just.. NOT MOM.  I hate seeing her spiral into such dark places.   She doesn't seem classically depressed... just mean now.  Then again... her old self comes through now and then too.  I am terrified I will start to resent the way she talks to me.  She didn't ask for this horrible situation and certainly deserves my love and respect.  Can I love and respect the stranger she is becoming?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 3:00pm

Welcome to the board.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2008
Tue, 04-29-2008 - 9:24pm

Let me start by saying welcome to the board and also you aren't alone in the struggle to care for an ill parent. My situation is unquie I guess in that I am now a cancer patient myself and struggling to maintain who I was before diagnosis but just 5 years ago I was in your shoes, caring for a terminally ill parent and taking all of his anger while watching the father I had loved and counted on all of my life slip away from me slowly a little bit at a time. When my father finally found peace I mourned his passing very little because I was grateful his suffering was over. But now that I face basically the same battle he fought for 13yrs I realize it was never me he was angry at it was the disease that was taking him slowly and painfully and I was just there to hear his hurt more than anyone else was. Rest assured your mom still loves you dearly and if she could have spared you any of this she would have done so gladly.

Hugs and Peace to you and your mom
BECCA

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 3:50pm
Hi Outlawdarlin- My name is Penny.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 4:02pm

Penny-


Thanks for the advise and kind words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2008
Tue, 05-06-2008 - 4:09pm

Becca,