Finding Strength
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| Fri, 05-23-2008 - 10:38pm |
Where to begin? My father was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer July 13, 2007. We have had our share of ups and downs; when we expected the worst we got the best and when we expected the best we got broad sided. This has been such a journey. My father was diagnosed with this disease and I have never seen such a courageous man in my life. After his treatments he was tumor free in December/January. In February his lung began to fill with blood which was drained. March it began to fill again and his lower lobe of his lung was removed. He said he felt better after that then he did in 20 years! April 20th he was rushed to the hospital having trouble breathing. I live out of state and couldn't fly out until the next available flight the next day. At the time before I arrived my father decided to die. By the time I got there he decided to proceed with removing the rest of his lung, he wanted to live.
At that moment I was blessed to spend 9 days with my father at the hospital. The Levitt Center was a select few rooms that allowed you your own room with shower, bed, etc. Although I slept 3 hours a night so I could spend all my time with my dad. The night before my father went into surgery, it was just he and I. We talked and he said "if I don't make it out of here, I will find a way to come back to each of you kids (there are five of us), may it be ringing of a bell or something". I was a bit uncomfortable hearing my dad talk that way, I told him " I will know in my heart when you are near". I am happy to say that my father made it out of surgery okay. We had more laughs and tears during that time. Two days later the pathology test came back after my father was in ICU that the cancer was in the lining of the lung- my father was crushed. He fought with all he could. We made the best decisions with the information we had.
My father passed away April 29th with me and my siblings by his side. He was at piece when he departed us. The very moment he took his last breath, the baby music played over the hospital speakers (to signify a baby being born). I smiled through my tears because no only was this a sign of the cycle of life, this was a sign to me that my dad was telling me he was okay. I experienced other amazing signs that I won't go into in this posting.
Hospice were angles in my father's eyes. They brought him so much comfort in his last days as well as the strength they gave my family. They attended my father's wake and funeral making sure they provided the family all the support they need. They are the most amazing people I have ever come across in my life. They will always carry a special place in my heart and soul.
Although my father's passing wasn't a surprise, I am still in so much shock. I feel no feelings what so ever; I am just numb. I started back to work 4 days ago and I feel like a robot going through the emotions.
I can't no say enough what Hospice has done for my family and me; there is an unspeakable bond. The purpose of this posting is not only to reach out for my hurt but mostly because in my heart, I now that research will progress and we will find a cure. Although my father wasn't part of the cure solution, the clinical studies he participated in made progress.
Parts of this posting may not make sense and I am sorry because I write this with tears and so much emotion. I also hold back a lot because I don't want to discourage anyone because they may be the breakthrough we need.

Welcome to the board.
Thank you for your response, it is greatly appreciated.
Prayers for you and your family to find comfort how ever you can.