Tired and Angry
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| Fri, 08-01-2008 - 12:32am |
Hello,
My husband was diagnosed with throat cancer. He in now halfway through his treatment and I am embarrassed to say it but right now I am tired, angry and frustrated. Tired because I am running our business completely by myself right now in addition to trying to maintain my own custom clothing business. On top of that I am now doing all of the work around the house from housework that I normally do to mowing the lawn, repairing the plumbing, fixing the car...I am down to sleeping about three hours a night. I am angry first at my husband because the doctors have stressed to him that his cancer was caused by excess drinking and smoking. He continues to do both. I want to just scream at him that he is wasting their time if he is just going to continue doing what is killing him. In addition, several of our customers have told me they don't understand why I am so tired, after all he is the one who is sick not me...what is my problem. I think if I hear one more person tell me this I am going to scream. I feel so guilty for the way I feel and have not expressed myself to anyone because I feel like I am just whining. I know that he is the one who is sick not me. But in the end, this is what I am feeling and I don't know what to do with it.

Welcome to the board.
Yes, I hear you Stella.
Thank you for the wonderful advice. I guess I was so swamped I was no longer thinking clearly. This is exactly what I needed, some clearheaded objective advice. Thank you so much!
Harvana
Hi, I am really sorry for what you are going through and I went through it with my mother who had pancreatic cancer and my father who was comatose both many years ago. I learned from my experience that you cannot do everything alone, and you need to get more people to help you. Is there a way through your church that you could put out a call for volunteers who might be able to help you out? Can you call your local senior services center and see if there are any retired people in your community looking for volunteer work. Some people feel really useless since they retired and might love an opportunity to do some good and help you in any way that they can.
Also I found that keeping a journal or writing out your feelings is a great substitute for talking to someone if you don't feel like confiding in a person and you want to keep your feelings private. You can just write it all out and when you are done just rip it to shreds and I bet that you will feel better from just venting. You can do it any time of day or night and at least it will help you get the feelings out of yourself and maybe you can start to heal like cleaning a wound if that makes any sense..I hope this has helped a little. I wish you the best and hope you will find some help in your community and be comforted that we have "been there", survived it and only grown stronger. May G-d be with you and your family. Hugs. Rifka
Thank you for the welcome and the insight. It is hard to understand when one has not been there, but it helps to get some insight from one who has been there thanks. I will certainly add you to my prayer list. Thank you for the shoulder.
Harvana
I am happy to get info for you if needed.