How can I support my friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2008
How can I support my friend?
13
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 5:58pm
My dear friend has been diagnosed with stage 1V Ovarian Cancer that has already spread throughout her body. She has a colostomy bag, and starts Chemo in a few weeks. The doctors told her she has one year to live. I'm not sure how else to support her emotionally.Except to tell her I love her, and be there when I can for physical support. I am at a loss on what to say, I told her I don't accept the one year deadline and instigate plans for visiting..she lives 2 hours away. I am so confused myself and devastated over her diagnosis. I know I need to get a grip over my own emotions. When I talk to her on the phone I just fight bursting into tears. I have always been strong, but with this I am devastated. How do I help her through this? What words can I say that would uplift her?
Thank you for any advice!

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Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-20-2008 - 6:12pm

I am so sorry about your friend.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2008
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 12:28pm
Thank you Cheryl!
I appreciate your advice! This I can do! I will focus on bringing new things into her life, keeping a good distraction, and it does show I am constantly thinking about her. Focus on living! Thank you for your support, I appreciate having feedback from someone who knows!!
Linda
Avatar for travinski
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 08-25-2008 - 9:21pm
You are probably stronger than you think. Once you get to the hospital, your thoughts turn from yourself and you become braver visiting the patient. Just yack at what you usually talk about but if she wants to talk about the cancer, just listen and respond naturally always adding

Travi

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 12:28am

I'm glad you're not accepting the one year deadline -- gosh, what an inappropriate word!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2008
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 2:04pm
Thank you Travi and Cindi for your responses! I think she is in that "Learning to cope stage", she hasn't said too much over this past week. The reality is gripping her I think. She isn't telling her 2 grown kids about the one year "deadline". She is also trying to be strong for her hubby, who is stressing very much! I appreciate your idea of just listening too, I have figured that I can't fix this, (which is my natural response to try and "fix" things) but I can listen and offer Love and Hope for her and her husband.
I appreciate your feedback!
Thank you!
Linda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 08-27-2008 - 2:54pm

Gosh, I could have written your post.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Fri, 05-15-2009 - 2:07am
I hope this is the right place to come. I had this wonderful friend, she would do anything for you and she did for me. Several years ago, between divorces etc. we lost touch. I recently found her again and have been thrilled....only, I found out she was dx with stage 4 over a year ago. She wasn't supposed to make it this long. She lives across the country from me. Not only am I devastated that now that I've found her, I'm going to lose her, but (and I feel very selfish for saying this) I am having a really hard time with cancer, death, etc. It is making me so negative and depressed. My dad just went thru treatment for stage 4, and so far he's doing well. I guess that's all I can say right now. Thanks for reading.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Sat, 05-16-2009 - 5:15pm
Hi Linda ~ my mom is going on the 2nd chemo treatment and lives 9 hours south ... so I have to use calls and snail mail to communicate.

Northkountry          

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 4:35pm
Oh no! I hope someone out there can reply. I posted about my dear friend across the country with stage 4. I just learned that another dear friend is facing the possibility of cancer. I went with her today for a biopsy, she will get the results on Wed. I hope I can be there for that also. Nothing is certain yet of course, but some of the possible dx's are uterine or ovarian. I am terrifed, even though I'm telling myself 'no sense worrying til we know'. Please pray!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 9:09pm
>>I think we can be positive no matter what the prognosis is cuz God is Greater!!!<<<
 

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