Dad is really not doing well...

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Registered: 02-19-2005
Dad is really not doing well...
6
Sun, 09-21-2008 - 7:28pm

I had a horrible crying spell a little while ago, called a best friend of mine and cried some more.  I'm so angry right now, so sad, so frustrated... with the whole cancer crap and other things.


I took my Dad to his treatment on Friday, it was so dang hard to see him the way he is right now.  I managed to stay strong in front of him, but once he was back in treatment I shed tears in the waiting room.  The staff there is awesome, I thank God for that, they seem like a very compassionate group, so I know that Dad is in good hands.


Today my family was out for a while, we came home, I saw that my Mom had called.  The mistake was to call her back, to see what she wanted.  The conversation ended in her hanging up on me, we were both very upset with each other.  I don't blame her, but I wish that she would understand from where I'm coming.


As some of you already know, my sister is dying from congestive heart failure (at home) after suffering multiple strokes 4 years ago in August.  My parents are her caregivers, have been for the past 3.5 years. 


Mom wanted me to come over tonight at 10:00 to help turn my sister.  Um... that's a bit late.  I said that I will come no later than 9:00, I do have things to take care of, not to mention get to bed early myself so I'm up and going in the morning to get the kids ready for school.
Then I mentioned the unthinkable... I told Mom that, if Dad is against his brother/SIL and/or sister coming to help out, she may want to consider having my sister placed in the hospice house JUST TEMPORARILY, maybe even only when Dad has surgery soon.  That was a huge mistake, it started an argument, and though I did feel horribly about it, I almost didn't even give a damn about anything anymore when it came to my sister.
Don't get me wrong... I LOVE my sister, I do NOT WANT her to go... but my Dad has a chance, whereas she is in hospice care already at home.  :(

Mom and I sort of yelled at each other and this resulted with her hanging up. 
She just called a few minutes ago, we're fine now, but I'm hurting, still, and will continue to hurt.  Dad is really not doing well at all now b/c of the chemo/radiation.  The obsession over when my sister's meds are given, when she is to be turned... well... that's really got to tone down some now that Dad is getting to be out of commission, so to speak. 


If my Dad is 2 minutes late with zinc for my sister, or if her Gevity(the food given via gastric feeding tube) is off for a bit longer than usual, Dad looks like he's going to have a heart attack.  While I completely understand that he and Mom have been in this routine with my sister for over 3 years, it's NOT GOING TO HURT my sister if something is a little bit late. 


I know that I'm rambling, but my heart is so heavy right now and I am not thinking straight, I'm sorry.  I despise everything about cancer, everything about chemo and radiation.  I have never in my life seen my Dad look so ill, so vulnerable, so weak.
I want to run off, to get away from everything, my Dad, my sister... and just forget.

Vida


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...
Alan and I were in a major tiff after my phone conversation with Mom, and things just fell apart for me a bit.  It's been a bit quiet around here, we're really not talking much, and I'm just aching inside, but at the same time, I don't really care right now.
I realized that my PMDD is hitting me, badly, right now.  That is part of what is going on with me, I guess, so it's going to make for even more of a difficult time for the next few days. 

 



Edited 9/21/2008 10:21 pm ET by manoangeliukai
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Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 8:36am

Vida, my mom had both radiation and chemo, though unlike your dad not at the same time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 11:30am

Vida, I'd continue to suggest hospice care -- perhaps even call a hospice center, explain the situation and ask that they contact your family.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Mon, 09-22-2008 - 1:33pm

Thanks, Ladies,


I should clarify... My sister Ramune is already

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Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 2:35pm

  • I should clarify... My sister Ramune is already

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2005
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 3:13pm

Hi Cindi,


We were told that, since Ramune is in hospice care only at my parents' own home, nothing really more can be done than what is being done... a nurse comes during the day for a couple of hours, if that, just about everyday.

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Registered: 04-04-2005
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 11:39am

Oh yes, dehydration.


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