What Can I Expect?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2008
What Can I Expect?
2
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 9:41pm

My partner is in stage 4 bladder cancer.  He is holding his own now but getting weaker.  He is still working but tiring very quickly.  He goes up and down in response to chemo.  Blood count is low and if it goes much lower he'll have to have transfusions.  He now is on magnesium oxide because something else is lacking.  One week he is doing well according to doctors and the next week he shouldn't expect to live longer than predicted.


In the meantime, because he goes to most of his treatments alone (I have to work to ensure I have a job when he's gone) so I know only what he tells me and because of the privacy acts in Canada, I can't ask his doctor without his permission.  What I need to know in order to be prepared is what I can expect as he gets sicker.  At what point will he need to be hospitalized (if he'll go) and what type of things will happen before that.  My work could be sticky and really unhappy when I have to take family leave which is now legal but on the other hand, I'll need to save money to afford to be off during that time period.


I'm scared and I really don't want to talk to him about dying, other than making the usual preparations - funeral, will, divorce in his case, etc.  Also, he's too sick to travel too far and he has to go to his embassy to get his birth certificate because he has no identification.  He hasn't driven in years so he has no picture ID and his health card must be 30 years old.  We're trying to figure that out too but I can't take time off too often if I want to keep my job.  I am too old to get another similar.


Please, if someone who has gone through this can advise me, even bluntly, of what to expect I would worry less because I could be prepared.  Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:25am

Hi Caryl,


Is your partner being treated at a cancer hospital?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2008
Fri, 11-21-2008 - 7:59pm

Thanks.