My first time
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| Sat, 12-13-2008 - 6:21pm |
This is my first time here. My mother passed away the day after Thanksgiving. Our final week together was a gift from God. I was able to care for her as she cared for me as a baby. I was able to sing to her, pray with her, massage her and make sure she had what she needed in terms of pain meds and palliative care. In many ways, her death was beautiful.
My mother had three types of cancer spaning seven years. She had Non Hodgkin's lymphoma which she beat. A few years later she was diagnosed with large cell lung cancer. She had surgery and it did not come back. Last year she was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. This cancer is aggressive. She had good results at first but it came back with a Vengence and spread.
I feared her death for so many years. I worried so much about what her death would be like. I worried about the suffering so much. A friend gave me a paper from the hospice that explained the passage of dying. It explained what happens a few months before, a few days and then finally a few hours before the passing. The information was so right on. It helped me to see that there is an order to dying. It is not random. Like birth there are tell tale things that happen before death, just as there are with birth.
Her lungs were filled with cancer, yet her passing was gentle and calm. Her breathing slowed and stopped. She did not suffer in that last breath. This was a comfort.
Her death was as gentle as her soul. I am so thankful for that.
Her funeral was amazing. My aunt and I put on her lip stick and eyeshadow. She only wanted a little bit. We wrapped her head in a beautiful scarf held in place by a butterfly pin. My sister in law made a movie with music and pictures. The children played and released balloons at the cemetery.
I miss my beautiful mother and best friend. She was a gentle grandmother a loving wife and a kind mother.
I reach for the phone so many times a day to share a joke or a story.
I miss her but I think that she is here in the face of my daughter. She is here in my sons smile. I just cannot imagine living my whole life without here.

I am sorry about your mom!
I'm sorry for your loss.