Upset and need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Upset and need help
13
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 12:20pm

I have a two month old son and he is my first child. What I'm about to ask is a constant debate in the baby world and I understand that. I am desperate to seek help from mother's that have children and who've been through this before.

My DS has such a easy temperment. From the moment he was born he was very content in his crib, being held, having a diaper change. Not much could upset the little guy. When he turned six weeks old and became more social (noticing sounds and stimulations) he would hit a point at the evening where he would scream constantly. There was nothing me or my DH could do to calm him.

We thought he had reflux and took him to the emergency care center one night. Well after a week or two we realized we were over feeding him. Everytime he cried I would stick a bottle in his mouth and he would regardless of his hunger. So, I started looking at the clock and feeding him every three hours a full feeding of 3.5-4 oz so I would know when he was hungry. A few times I've fed him earlier because I could tell he really was hungry and he was because he ate a full feeding.

Well...I've never really been for "scheduling" a baby but I was willing to be convinced either way. In addition to overfeeding him he would also scream when I put him in his crib. He will only sleep in his bouncy chair or in my arms. I had a couple of friends convince me to try and schedule him by letting him scream. He had been so overtired, staying up one day from 3pm until 2am. So, I went through a whole day of the Babywise routine. It was horrible and I never want to experience that again.

My question is, eventually will my baby find his own routine of sleeping through the night and going to sleep on his own. we now keep the bouncy chair in his room and try and give him a bath at the same time every night and put him to sleep. He still wakes up twic at night to eat and immediately goes back to sleep.

Any comments would be great.

Lindsay and Owen 2-12-05

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 12:50pm

I am of the "let your baby make their own schedule" school of thought. That isn't to say I don't try and "coax" her to do what I want, but I don't force her to the point of crying. I do know that since my DD's first well baby appt, the pedi has given us guidance sheets and every single one has said not to let your baby "cry it out". Cognitively, at this age, they are too young to understand what is happening. Their short term memory is still not fully formed and at this point, you are building trust, not spoiling by comforting them when they cry. My pedi has always said to always go to her when she cries, never let her "cry it out" and that it is impossible at this age to spoil her. He isn't a fanatic or a "new age quack" either, so I know he has evideence to back up those statements. My DD doesn't sleep through the night yet, but I know plenty of "scheduled" babies who don't either. And I know plenty of parents who "schedule" night sleeping that are way more tired than me because they have the emotional drain of listening to their child scream for hours. You do what you feel in your heart is right for you and your baby, this is just my opinion. HTH

Jackie and Emily 01/30/05

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 12:56pm

Hello Lindsay!

Sorry to hear that you are having sutch a rough time. It is hard being a mommy and these little ones sure don't come with a good instruction manual don't they????

It sounds to me like your baby may be having some colics. I am not a big expert some babies are born happy and good natured and then, a few week after birth, they start having crying spells and fussy periods. The way you described the constant crying in the evening and the wanting to be held sure sounds like it. Colics are usually worst in the evenings. The good news is that most babies out grow colics around the age of 3 months. Your little one isn't that far from that age so maybe things will get better for you. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. In the mean time, there are a few things you can try that might help to calm him down. Try to eliminate stimuli that might aggrevate him like loud noises, lights, smells. You can try applying a warm blanket to his tummy (just warm it up in the clothes dryer for a few minutes). Giving him a bath is a nice way to calm him down. Try infant massages. They really help to calm and soothe babies. You can try co-sleeping too. Sometimes,it helps them to have you near by and at the same time you can get some sleep. You can place his bouncy chair un top of the clothes dryer (make sure you stay there and watch him so he doesn't fall off!!!) and run the dryer. The vibrations and sounds soothes them. You can take him for a ride in the car. Most babies like this too.

As for scheduling, really, I don't beleive in it. I think it is more important to follow your baby's cues. I beleive you can try to establish a routine where you do the same things around the same time of day or in the same order but trying to feed always at the same time with a baby so young, in my experience, just doesn't work. As for sleeping through the night, I think babies usually sleep through the night when they are good and ready for it. My son is 9 1/2 months old and still wakes up at least once or twice a night to either eat or just be cuddled. I figure eventually, he will sleep. Maybe he is just a light sleeper!

I know it is hard and I know it is frustrating to be faced with this problem when you basically had the perfect child but hang in there. It does get better. I have been dealing with reflux for the past 8 months and I have days where I just lose it and just want to run away and never come back. There are good days too and the good days are starting to be a lot more frequent than the bad ones. We are finally starting to see Alex be a happier and calmer child. He is starting to eat a whole lot better and that is a BIG step for him. Hopefully you will start having good days soon too!

Hugs to you!

Celine, mom to Alex born June 30th, 2004

Lilypie Baby Ticker



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 1:09pm

I agree with the pp.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 1:25pm

Walker is 6 week old and for about the last week and a half, he has been screaming at night. It feels like reflux to me based on all the research I have done - He seems in pain and cries suddenly after he swallows. Funny thing that I noticed the other night - it seems that he doesnt scream and cry if I dont give him his vitamin supplement that day. I know, wierd huh? I have also cut his BM bottles with a mix of formula and rice cereal thinking that he needed food that would "stick to his ribs" and not just run through him, giving him a sense of fullness.

I asked the ped to prescribe him Zantac thinking that it would help with the reflux, still waiting for the pharmacy and ped to get that right.

As far as the CIO debate. I hold him and let him know I am there (not necessarily try to "shush" him) but just let him cry. My DH gets frustrated because in typical guy fashion - he cant fix it and "make" him stop crying by rocking or shushing. Walker tends to get mad and overstimulated with all the comforting tactics so I just sit him up and hold him. HTH

~Vanasa with Walker 2/24/05




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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 1:57pm
Lindsay,
I had all these expectations with my first child of routines, and he was suppose to be sleeping through the night at a certain age. With DS#2 I had no expectations, and I was a lot happier. I followed his lead. --I don't blame you for trying different things if you think something isn't working. Lots of people use schedules,heck the NICU had Nolan on a feeding schedule. I, personally, always recommend demand feeding because I've seen so many babies grow poorly on schedule feeding. It would be nice if they would come with a handbook! What works with one baby might not work with the next though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 2:06pm

I have 3 children aged 8, 5 and 4 weeks. Each child has been different as far as eating, schedule, colic, etc...The 8 yr old has always been very easy going and set her own schedule. The 5 yr old was a colic baby until he outgrew it at 2.5 mo. So far the 4 week old has been the most challenging (difficulty eating, screaming, grouchy). For the past few weeks I have convinced myself she has colic, reflux, allergies whatever. More than likely it is nothing. Possibly just her way of communication.

My husband and I have never been much at scheduling, and I can't stand to let the baby "cry it out". I would rather try to calm the baby and let them fall asleep where they are most comfortable. Sometimes that would mean the swing, bouncy, bassinet, or someone's arms. I have found that if baby is totally upset for no apparent reason, turning on the vacuum(spelling) near the crib works wonders (weird huh).

Follow your instincts. I'm sure you are doing a great job. It's tough to be a mommy sometimes :)

-Kimberly

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 3:36pm

Plebmom: It isn't exactly weird that Walker doesn't scream if you don't give him his vitamin. Think about when you take a vitamin in the morning. It makes me sick to my stomach. During PG I always had to take them right before I went to sleep. My DD used to promptly throw up after getting hers. Our pedi reccomened half a dose mixed with her bottle in the am and half in a bottle in late afternoon. HTH

Jackie and Emily 01/30/05

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 3:55pm

Makes sense. It's not a source that most people mention when talking about reflux. I have read so much about how my diet is to blame, it is nice to know that this may not be my fault for once. Thanks!

~Vanasa with Walker 2/24/05




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 6:00pm

I think the most important thing I have found with my daughter is keeping a nightime routine. Every night we do the same thing. We sit in her bedroom in the rocker, with the hallway light on so I can see, and she gets a bottle. I usualy change her diaper before the bottle, but sometimes afterwords depending on how wet it is before. I put her in her crib and whisper goodnight. She has one of those Fisher Price aquariums that I turn on if she is awake or fussy, then I leave her to sleep. If she lays in there and cries,I give her a few minutes, then go in there and check her diaper without making any real eye contact or talking. If it is wet, i change her, if not I rub her head or chest for about 30 seconds, whisper goodnight, and walk away. Jillian sleeps through the night, every night from about 9 to 6:30. Sometimes longer. Sometimes she wakes up around 5:30, but not that often. She has slept in her own room since she was 2 months (she will be 15 weeks this weekend) and I have had only 2 times that she has woken up in the middle of the night.

I owe all of our success to consistency in routine. Even when she was in the bassinet, our nights were better when we stuck with a routine of what I did when I got up to feed her. She has gone through a period where she would scream in the evening, and we couldn't figure out what was wrong, but that phase didn't last long. Hopefully your baby will grow out of this. I highly recommend just trying to get on a structured night schedule. As far as feeding, I am a believer in feeding on demand.

Also, about him sleeping in his bouncy seat. I wonder if he has trouble breathing when he is lying flat and it wakes him up or makes him uncomforatble. I hope things get better!

Carrie
EP'ing for Jillian 12-26-04

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2005
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 7:08pm

Hi Lindsay,

I know what you are going through. My daughter did the same thing at 6 weeks. I tried everything. I thought is was something I ate, etc.

What worked great for us was 'The Happiest Baby on the Block'. Danielle had to be swaddled shushed and bounced. She is 4 and 1/2 months old now and once we started the swaddling, etc. life got so much better. I think she was 8 weeks before we figured out how to calm her down.

Every baby is different, but this worked for ours.

Good Luck - you will get through this and it does get better.

HTH,
Nicole
Danielle 11/23/04

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