Help! Personal Pumping Crisis!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Help! Personal Pumping Crisis!
8
Sun, 07-27-2008 - 10:53pm

Hi,

It's been a very long while since I posted to this board. I read and posted a bunch when I first started EP'ing, now I think I'm nearing the end of pumping for my son and I need to check in again for advice and support.

I'm considering cutting back to 1x per day and I feel so guilty about it.

I have been EP'ing for 9 1/2 months. I used to feel really good after a pumping session and holding a full bottle of milk in my hand. It warmed my heart, to be honest. Holding a warm bottle of milk felt like holding a bottle of love itself. Crazy, right?

But now, I feel stressed putting on the pump. It sets my teeth on edge and I feel tense. After about 5-10 minutes I start to ease into it, but I dread pumping at this point. I know the milk is best for my son, but I'm not feeling the love like I once did.

I'm currently pumping 2x/day and getting about 11-12 oz. total per day (two feedings). I'm thinking that if I drop to 1x/day I might still get at least 1 bottle of BM for my son per day.

I don't like the idea of giving him more formula and I'm constantly worried about giving him an inferior food, in addition to all of the scare about bpa leaching into the formula from the cans.

But at the same time, I just feel my body slowing down (my supply has been dropping over the past few months anyway). I wanted to get to 1 year for him, but I just don't think I can do it without sacrificing my level of sanity. I think I will be a happier mommy for not being tied to the pump, but perhaps a guiltier one for not doing ABSOLUTELY everything I can possibly physically do to give him a healthy start in life.

The other element to this is that I just started working again part-time and I'm finding that I have even less time for myself now. I feel spiritually down in the dumps from it all. I LOVE my son like crazy, don't get me wrong. I just think a mommy needs her own sense of self and it's hard to get that when any free time I'm multitasking for someone else's needs. I just came back from a yoga class and the teacher told me that I look completely exhausted. I told her about my pumping and she thought I should give myself a break and let go. Let go of the guilt, let go of the pumping...

Ugh! It's so hard!

Any thoughts on this would be gratefully appreciated. One thing that would be helpful to know is how to drop to 1 pump and maximize the milk. Right now I pump once in the morning and once in the evening, and I get more milk in the morning pump. If I drop one, which should I drop?

TIA,

Robyn

qu
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Mon, 07-28-2008 - 4:14pm

hey robyn,


i don't have any pump maximizing advice. i just wanted to encourage you that it's okay to let go.


i really shouldn't be one to talk, as i struggle every time i try and drop a pump too. even though ian's milk consumption has gone down, it still bothers me when i see my supply drop.


i don't know why we do this to ourselves. but remember that parenting is more than just making milk. if life is running you down and you think you'll be a better mommy if you wean, then that's the best decision!


i hope you find a good balance for your and your family. *hugs* i know this is hard.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 07-29-2008 - 1:36am
It's ok to quit! I agree with PP that there is more to being a mother than providing milk. At 9.5 months you have already gone above and beyond the call of duty. A lot of moms wouldn't have lasted through one day of pumping, let alone the # of days that you have survived. There are a lot of things that you can do to ensure that your LO grows up to be a happy and healthy person such as: feeding him healthy food, limiting TV time, enjoying an active lifestyle, spending time together, talking together, sharing ideas and experiences, etc. Take care of yourself and take as long as you need to wean so that you feel good about your decision.


Mary Kay, mommy to Ana Patricia (born 7/18/07)


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Mary Kay, mother to:

Ana Patricia - 7/18/07

Christina Maria - 8/28/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Tue, 07-29-2008 - 10:01pm

It's been a while since I've been on the board, too, and I couldn't help but reply since I can totally relate to what you are going through (well, except for the part-time work part - I'm still a SAHM).

Shyla - Mom to Anna, born 9/12/07
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 12:55am

One thing I really regret right now about pumping is our mornings. I'm so busy pumping and getting ready for school (I'm a grad student). I would love it if Ana and I had time to take a walk in the morning. It sounds so nice!

Shyla- I like your daughter's name! There aren't too many Anna/Ana babies around.


Mary Kay, mommy to Ana Patricia (born 7/18/07)


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Mary Kay, mother to:

Ana Patricia - 7/18/07

Christina Maria - 8/28/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2008
Sat, 08-02-2008 - 10:51pm

Why is it we are all over-acheivers!?

 

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Mon, 08-04-2008 - 2:11am

Wow! Thank you all so much for your thoughtful and heartfelt replies. I'm sorry I'm just posting now--went to visit my Mom for a few days and I'm just now getting back on the computer.

I started dropping the amount of time I pump in the evening, but after reading these posts I'm thinking perhaps I should do my pumping at night and cut back on the morning pump instead. DS is climbing all over me too, pulling at the pump parts, so it might be a good idea to do it at night once he has gone to sleep. We'll see how it goes!

I'm definitely starting to feel better about cutting back. I wish that there was a perfect alternative to BM, but I'll have to get over that idea.

Thank you all and congratulations to you all for your hard work. We are a very small subset of the population and without ever having met any of you I can safely say you are all amazing!

:-)

Robyn

qu
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2008
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 12:39pm

Hey Robyn,


I hope things are going okay.

Shyla - Mom to Anna, born 9/12/07
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Tue, 08-19-2008 - 10:55pm

Thank you so much for sharing that! It's great to know that there is still a benefit, even with just a little milk. I dropped down to one pump and so far I've been getting about 4-5 1/2 ounces per day. It's comforting to know that he's still getting benefit from that.

Dropping down was so emotionally hard, but I'm glad I did it. I feel like I have sooooo much more time for myself and Seth, even though I only gained back 45 minutes or so of my time. I think it's the mental space too.

Yours,

Robyn

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