Help! Personal Pumping Crisis!
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|Sun, 07-27-2008 - 10:53pm|
It's been a very long while since I posted to this board. I read and posted a bunch when I first started EP'ing, now I think I'm nearing the end of pumping for my son and I need to check in again for advice and support.
I'm considering cutting back to 1x per day and I feel so guilty about it.
I have been EP'ing for 9 1/2 months. I used to feel really good after a pumping session and holding a full bottle of milk in my hand. It warmed my heart, to be honest. Holding a warm bottle of milk felt like holding a bottle of love itself. Crazy, right?
But now, I feel stressed putting on the pump. It sets my teeth on edge and I feel tense. After about 5-10 minutes I start to ease into it, but I dread pumping at this point. I know the milk is best for my son, but I'm not feeling the love like I once did.
I'm currently pumping 2x/day and getting about 11-12 oz. total per day (two feedings). I'm thinking that if I drop to 1x/day I might still get at least 1 bottle of BM for my son per day.
I don't like the idea of giving him more formula and I'm constantly worried about giving him an inferior food, in addition to all of the scare about bpa leaching into the formula from the cans.
But at the same time, I just feel my body slowing down (my supply has been dropping over the past few months anyway). I wanted to get to 1 year for him, but I just don't think I can do it without sacrificing my level of sanity. I think I will be a happier mommy for not being tied to the pump, but perhaps a guiltier one for not doing ABSOLUTELY everything I can possibly physically do to give him a healthy start in life.
The other element to this is that I just started working again part-time and I'm finding that I have even less time for myself now. I feel spiritually down in the dumps from it all. I LOVE my son like crazy, don't get me wrong. I just think a mommy needs her own sense of self and it's hard to get that when any free time I'm multitasking for someone else's needs. I just came back from a yoga class and the teacher told me that I look completely exhausted. I told her about my pumping and she thought I should give myself a break and let go. Let go of the guilt, let go of the pumping...
Ugh! It's so hard!
Any thoughts on this would be gratefully appreciated. One thing that would be helpful to know is how to drop to 1 pump and maximize the milk. Right now I pump once in the morning and once in the evening, and I get more milk in the morning pump. If I drop one, which should I drop?