going to wean soon
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| Thu, 11-20-2008 - 2:43pm |
so that's it. i'm committed. i twittered my DH and told him i wanted to talk with him about weaning tonight, and i asked him not to let me talk myself out of it again.
it's been, i don't know, 2 or 3 months since i told my DH i would "start to think about starting to wean." well the other day he said, "Why are you still doing this?"
i know it's crazy; a lot of women on this board write about how hard it is to keep going. but for me, it's hard to stop. and it's not just a guilt thing, although that's probably part of it. i have issues.
i have a control issue. i feel like if i keep pumping, i will have a certain amount of "control" over whether ian gets sick. despite the immune properties of breast milk, that thought of mine is quite silly. ian got something like 4 ear infections last year, despite getting plenty of mommy milk. i'm sure the milk helped him, but it's not going to protect him from all illness.
i like the feeling of doing something special for ian. this is especially so with ian being behind on his developmental milestones; i feel like i want to give him every edge he can get, since he is behind. there is a bit of irrationality to this thought too: it's not like me giving him more milk is going to make his developmental delays go away. i guess that's a control thing too.
and i'm driven to succeed. i think subconsciously (that's the psychologist in me speaking) i still feel like a failure for not getting the breast feeding thing to work out, so now i'm trying to "succeed" by EPing as long as i can. this, too, is not quite rational. we're all being the best mommies we can, no matter if we EP for one day or one year.
i really just have a hard time letting go. i told myself when i began to teach my 4 hour daily graduate course in july that i'd cut back pumping from 4 to 3x a day, just to make things manageable. i didn't. in fact, i've now increased back to pumping 5x a day. i'm a pump-a-holic!
so i twittered my DH, and told him we were going to talk about me stopping pumping tonight, for real. now i'm committed.
and now i've posted to you all, so that commits me too. oh, now i'm tearing up. i don't know what i would have done without you girls. pumping has been such a big part of my life for these 18 months, and this board has been too. it's time for me to move on. *sniff*
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HA HA, It's like now you can't go back on your word or you'll be a liar. I do the same thing, I know if I tell people I am gonna do something, then I have to do it b/c i feel like I liar otherwise.
I must you made me feel a little better about Max getting sick all the time, it's nice to hear that my baby is not the only baby who had more than a couple of illness even though on BM (and I have yet needed to supplement w/ formula and he still just gets sick)
I understand to a point about the pumping for delays, Max is not delayed, but he does have a GI condition that I passed on to him through my genes... I feel like I "did this to him" It's a condition that does not affect me, but both kids have it
Hey there, well done on making a decision! I know it's really tough - don't know when I'm going to HUTH yet (I'm going to get to a year, but then it's really going to depend on whether I can successfully drop to 2 pumps), but i know that when I decide to wean i'll struggle with it!
You've done an amazing job, pumping as long as you have and Ian's been very lucky to have all that Mummy Milk.
And I'm sure Ian will love the extra time he'll be able to spend with you.
Good luck with it and let us know the weaning timescale!
ttfn
Chris
PS (Love the fact you twittered your DH, i like it when i hear people being geeks like me!)
You know you are an amazing woman! Be proud!
To play a bit of devils advocate... Your title is "going to wean soon." Sounds like you are still wavering. Have you tried picking a date, and then mentally preparing yourself for that date?
Ian could not have asked for a more committed parent. So don't beat yourself up--you did more Eping then most moms do Bfing. What are you in like the 1% of Moms that are still feeding BM at 18 months. Give yourself credit!
And by all means--please don't move on too far from us--we need super pros like you, there should be a Mentor status!
Hi Jo-Ann, Wishing you all the best with whatever decision you are going to be making. You have done GREAT job till date and I am sure Ian will be so very proud of his mother when he can understand things :). I can so relate to being in "control" of things :).
Please visit us as frequently as possible, 'cause we will miss you and Ian so much!!!
You have always been a great inspiration to me and I will be more than ecstatic if I can achieve anything near to what you have done!!!
Shannon
mommy to Guerin Grace
Shannon
mommy to Guerin Grace
JoAnn
Congrats for making the BIG Decision! You've come a long way! You've done such a great job like every one else - you've helped me make it through the rough patches... We'll miss you in the "pumping" world but we know you'll drop by now and then. Good luck with weaning! Are you going to aim to be done by the end of the year?
Hang in there with Ian and his PT/OP. He'll continue to improve b/c you're such a great mom! And you'll have to keep us updated on his progress!
And before you officially leave - you'll have to give your top ten travel tips for pumping on airplanes! Like how you traveled with oo?
Best of luck!
http://sunvalleysoul.blogspot.com/
Jo Ann, I know what you're going through with letting go and moving on.
*************
Jilly, mom to Elizabeth (Nov. 25, 2007)
Jo-Ann,
You've come to far to beat yourself over this!
you're right! i am wavering. thanks for pointing that out . . . i really need that right now.
i had a talk with DH last night, elaborated to him my plan for weaning, and he said, "Ok, that's a good start." he's trying so hard to do what he can to balance what he thinks is best for our family, with not having a crazy wife bouncing off the walls. ;)
so now he's going to keep me accountable. i gave him permission to.
it's not even that i feel guilty. it's that this little obsessive voice keeps telling me, "No, you can keep doing this!" but the bigger part of me is saying, "No, really, it's time for us to stop."
i am trying to make a list of all the things i'm going to do with those extra 4 hours a day i don't have to pump. on the top of my list is to get back in shape. DH and i have been talking about TTC #2 (AAHH!!!), so i want to get back into the habit of regular exercise before that happens.
thanks everyone for your kind words of support. places like this renew my faith in the goodness of humanity. i know that sounds really corny, but it's true.
-jenni
-jenni
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