can't do it anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
can't do it anymore
11
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 11:41am

So, I am almost at eight months, but I am at my wits end. I cannot do it anymore. DS is eating lots of solids, and I do not like giving him formula, but this pumping is really affecting me negatively. I feel like a cranky b***h all of the time, I can't nap when my DS naps and he's up 3 times a night to eat /play, and I am just exhausted. I never used to get sick, and I've had a stomach virus and two colds, and each time my supply sucks. I am like at 12 oz a day, with dom. Some days, I felt like "I can do this" and others I just want to throw in the towel. I am still depressed my LO won't BF, I don't talk about it much, but we have been trying still this whole time. He sleeps with us, and I let him have my boob as much as he wants all night, and all morning before I go to work, and he has it for naps on the 4 days I don't work, and he still hasn't gotten it.


So, last night as I was about to pump before bed, DH was like "again?" and I was just like forget it. I was so freaking exhausted, I was just done, so I went to bed w/ out pumping, and my boobs killed me this morning! I have really mixed emotions. 1/2 of me is done, 1/2 isn't so I am just going to pump a little when it really is bothering me untill I am done. Maybe I'll pump once or twice a day untill I don't want to do that anymore. I think if I go cold turkey I'll regeret it. I've pumped allready twice today, so I may chnage my mind, I don't know. I just needed to get this out. Thanks for listening!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 1:21pm
The best advice
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 4:24pm

Hugs to you!!! I hope that you can come to a decision that works for you. It's too bad your DH is not more supportive. I think that women are biologically programmed (e.g. through hormones) to do the very best for their babies, even if it means doing something as crazy as EPing. So you are really not EPing to drive him crazy, but to fulfill some kind of biological obligation that you feel to provide for your LO. Men just don't have the same kind of feelings that we have. You really only get one chance to do something like this for your baby. As long as we are still BFing/EPing, we are still connected to our LOs.

Personally, I don't think that formula is the worst thing that you can give your baby. I had to supplement for the first two months until my supply increased. As an infant I was BFed for only 4 months and then FFed. If your baby can not tolerate formula, then you have a different problem. If you are worried about melamine and other chemicals in formula, I wouldn't worry too much. Unfortunately our BM also contains trace amounts of synthetic chemicals. Plus, these chemicals are also found in our water supplies, building materials, and air. It's a modern industrialized world! To be on the same side, you can use organic formula, which is probably better anyway. Also, you can add probiotics to the formula.

You are so lucky that Elvis is a good eater. I hope my next baby is a good eater! He really sounds like he is thriving! Even though I am a strong supporter of BFing, I think that you can also positively influence your child's eating habits by feeding him healthy food at an early age. Just think, Elvis will probably be more likely to enjoy healthy food since that is what was offered to him at an early age (of course, kids and teens tend to regress on their healthy eating habits, but I think that they eventually come back to what they grew up with).

EPing has also taken a toll on my health. I am terribly out of shape. My diet is not so great. Plus, I have been sick several times since DD was born. Last night I was watching DH and DD sleep as I pumped and I longed to be in bed with them! I think my sleep has suffered as well.

I hope that you can come up with a solution that makes you happy. Try not to let other people talk you into something that you are going to regret. Maybe talk to DH and let him know what you are doing. For example, tell him that you plan to pump X times a day for the next X months and that you EXPECT that he will be supportive of you because he loves you and he wants what is best for Elvis. Don't stop just because you have a low supply. From what I have read about BM, I believe that even small amounts are beneficial. For example, most BFing toddlers only nurse a couple of times a day and yet extended BFing has proved beneficial. So, hang in there and do what is best for you!


Mary Kay, mommy to Ana Patricia (born 7/18/07)


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Mary Kay, mother to:

Ana Patricia - 7/18/07

Christina Maria - 8/28/10
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 9:02pm

You know, you could always drop a pump and see if that is the compromise that might keep you going. Each time I dropped one, I usually made it at least another month or so. That might just get you all the way to your goal. Good luck whatever you decide. Believe me, I flip-flopped over the decision until the very end and then I had just had it!


Think it over for a day or two, and in the end do what is right for YOU (not DH, coworkers, etc...) We will support you no matter what!

Shannon


mommy to Guerin Grace



Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

Shannon

mommy to Guerin Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Tue, 12-16-2008 - 10:25pm

thanks everyone for the support. Of course, just when I was about to quit,Today pumping went allright, I got 15 oz.! I was able to power pump for an hour in a car ride, so that helped. You are right about the hormonal thing, that makes sense. he says if it were him doing this, Elvis would have been on formula a long time ago! LOL!


I just feellike if he was BFing everything would be so much simpler! I want to give him as much BM as I can, I am tired of pumping running my life! But then I feel like I can't quit! Thanks for the support, I really needed it, I am feeling much better now. It is so true that EPing/BFing makes us feel connected, when he's drinking my milk I feel so great. When I am giving him his formula supplements, I feel like i am failing, as absurd as it sounds. This would be a whole lot easier if I produced more. I still have the fantasy of him getting the hang of BFing, too, which I am sure everyone here must think I'm nuts!


I am lucky that he eats well, and I have been making him some of his foods. Today he had mangoes, blueberries, peas, greenbeans, and spinach, he eats ridiculously well. Of course, my older DD only eats 3 vegetables! She is a very picky eater. Don't worry, your next one will probobly eat you out of house and home! Elvis at his 8 month visit is 21 pounds!


I feel like pumping is sucking the life out of me! I think I am just going to drop some pumps, which I have been scared to do because of my low supply. But if it will keep me going, I will try. I really really wanted to get to a year. Tomorrow I got o my BF support group, that always makes me feel like i can continue. I don't know what I would do without that and these boards, this board has kept my sanity pumping all of these months!!!!


I just am missing having time for myself, as well. I miss exercising after i took my DD to school, with the baby and pumping I haven't had time, and I am only about 10 pounds from my pre-preg weight, but I am seriously out of shape, and that's affecting me as well.


Thanks so much, you guys have helped me so much, and I appreciate the advice

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 1:53am
You've done an amazing job getting to 8 months and i don't think anyone (except maybe yourself) is going to judge you for stopping now.
I truly believe that a healthy, happy Mummy + formula is better than a tired, ill, unhappy Mummy + BM. I know the ol' adage is not to quit on a bad day, but if every day is becoming a bad day, then you're allowed to say 'enough's enough'.
Maybe you could just stick at once or twice a day, at very convenient times, for a little bit - even a small amount of BM is great for Elvis.
Hope you get through this and can make the right decision for you.
Let us know how it goes!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 8:28am

aww, what is it about the holidays that seems to drive people nuts, it seems like so many of us (in computer land and in RL) are having more and more day bad days.


I hope you continue to have a few more good days.


You need to do what feels right in your heart, whatever that might be.


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Maximilian 4-08-2008
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 9:59am

{{{hugs}}} Don't you wish it was easy and something just happened and production stopped with no choice to make??

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 10:15am

glad you're feeling better about things. i second what mary kay said--it's a biological thing that makes us so crazy about getting breast milk to our babies. i went to see my therapist about 4 months pp because i was still so emotional about not being able to breast feed ian, and he said, "You know, it's normal for you to be emotional about this, because you're biologically programmed to do that. If women didn't feel like that, their babies would starve." for some reason that made me feel better, because up until then DH was looking at me like i was crazy every time i broke down and cried about breast feeding.


i really didn't stop grieving about bfing until ian was about a year. it was a gradual thing. i probably didn't stop offering him the breast until about 8 months either, and finally i said, "You know what, this is just stressing me out" so i stopped. i didn't do it as consistently as you do anyway, so it wasn't going to work for us.


and i also wanted you to know that i wasn't able to stop supplementing ian until he was about 11 months old and started eating more solids. so i know a bit how you feel on the supply front too.


*hugs*


hope you keep having some better days. when you do decide to HUTH, just remember you've already made it farther than a lot of women do breastfeeding. the average age of weaning is 6 months. so you're already doing a great job!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 5:09pm
I have no profound insights or advice, just wanted to lend my support!

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Jilly, mom to Elizabeth (Nov. 25, 2007)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Wed, 12-17-2008 - 10:38pm

"I just feel like if he was BFing everything would be so much simpler! I want to give him as much BM as I can, I am tired of pumping running my life! But then I feel like I can't quit! ... when he's drinking my milk I feel so great. When I am giving him his formula supplements, I feel like i am failing, as absurd as it sounds. This would be a whole lot easier if I produced more. I still have the fantasy of him getting the hang of BFing, too, which I am sure everyone here must think I'm nuts!"


These are my thoughts EXACTLY! Hugs to you!


(And I've had no luck getting DD back on the breast either. She's refused every attempt. I just don't get it since she was comfort nursing right up to the time I decided I wanted to wean from the pump and just nurse some. And now I've chickened out of weaning.)

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Steph, mom to Alex (12/2/06) and Claire (6/30/08)

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Steph, mom to Alex (12/2/06) and Claire (6/30/08)

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