My desperate denial moment
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|Tue, 12-16-2008 - 12:30pm|
So, it has been 4 or 5 days (can't even remember) since I have pumped. Of course I feel sad, but I have been keeping myself busy and trying not to think too hard about it. I have been hand expressing a little everyday for comfort purposes only.
Everyday I would almost want to cry just hand expressing even a tiny amount into the sink. Well, yesterday at breakfast I made DD's plate and DH took it and was about to feed her. I hollered "no, wait" and ran into the bathroom (my in-laws are here and everyone looked very puzzled). Here I come back from the bathroom with a tiny cup of expressed milk. I stirred it into her cereal. I realized how desperate I must have looked because they were all just looking at me kind of crazy! The weird thing is, when I stirred that milk into her cereal I had an absolute feeling of relief that came over me. Even though she is still getting frozen BM, I suddenly felt so happy that she got even a tiny bit of fresh. It really is hard to let go, and I just suddenly felt desperate for her to have even a few fresh drops.
I'm sure they all thought I was nuts!