Feelin guilty... ready to STOP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Feelin guilty... ready to STOP!
4
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 7:03pm
Ok, so my baby girl is 2.5 months old. Aside from the nurses giving her a little formula in the nursery at the hospital (without my knowledge at the time) she has never had formula, just strictly breast milk. I'm a HVP. I was getting 40+ ounces a day. Now I'm back at work, I work midnight shift, so I leave at 10 pm and dont get home until about 3 or 4 am. I'm so tired all the time. I have a 4 year old boy that gets up about 8 or 9 every day. and he goes to school from 1 to 4 pm. So I feel like everytime I get to lay down to take a nap I only get to sleep for maybe 30 minutes and then I gotta do something else. I've decided I'm ready to stop pumping. I have about a months worth in the freezer. My son only got BM for 2 weeks bc I didnt know what I was doing and didn't know about EP'ing back then. I, for one, am very proud of myself for being able to give her 3.5 months worth of BM. No one else understands how hard it is pumping every 2 hours the first couple weeks, wanting to throw the pump out the window every session, but then thanking God that I'm able to provide her with BM every feeding. I've been going back and forth on my decision. I'm sure I can bring my supply back up, already started dropping pumps, but I honestly dont want to. does that make me a bad mom? I feel so selfish and I just want to cry. I want my body back. I want to not have to watch everything I eat and drink and worry about it hurting her tummy. I want to not have to go in the other room when we have company to pump. It would be so much easier to just mix formula together, especially when we're out and about doing errands. I know most of you on here have made it to a year or longer, serious kudos to you. But is there anyone on here that decided to stop sooner? How did you wean from BM to formula? I know I should do it gradually, and mix the two together for a bottle or two every day, then add another mixed bottle every couple days. My husband is unhappy about my decision. he says why pay for something that we can get for free? but he does not understand what its like to share my body for a whole year, through pregnancy, watching what i eat and drink and medicines i take, and now for 2.5 months doing the same thing. im soo ready for a drink. lol. anyway, just wanted to vent, and i really need some encouraging words/advice. thank you.
im also very ready to not have to wear a bra every minute of every day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2010
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 12:42pm
I'm in the same boat you are - my daughter is 2.5 months old and I'm getting ready to stop pumping. I'm devestated about it at times, and elated about it at other times. I'm really beginning to hate my pump, but it's hard to stop completely, especially since I tried SO hard to pump with my son and at best, I got less than half the amount of milk I get for my daughter. I'm a really low volume pumper so it's depressing no matter what way I look at it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2007
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 5:09pm

there's no need to feel guilty! like you said, EPing is hard, and all of us on this board know that. you deserve a medal for going as long as you already have!


i had to supplement with my DS, and we never actually mixed formula and breast milk, because he liked both fine. if your baby is more picky, you might want to mix and gradually increase the formula until she's used to it.


one thing i've seen around this board is the saying "happy mommy = happy baby." if you're ready to stop EPing, don't let anyone pressure you otherwise. it's your body, and if you're stressed about EPing, that's not going to be good for your little girl. it's hard enough caring for a baby in the first place.


*hugs*


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2008
Tue, 02-16-2010 - 8:33am

Mommy guilt is hard to deal with.

 

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Wed, 02-17-2010 - 4:23am
Thank you girls so much! I feel so much better. I was having a really tough day when I wrote that post, but I've still decided to quit. I just feel much better about my decision now. Hubby and I talked it over and he was just kinda caught off guard bc from day one, even while i was pg, i kept saying im gonna do it for a year, im gonna do it for a year. but of course, having never done it be4, i didnt realize how draining and stressful it would be. I'm very proud of myself for having done it for this long, and i have a great supply in the freezer, about 650 oz. so she'll have BM for a couple more weeks. We've started slowly adding formula to her BM, just 1 oz of formula to 2 oz BM. She hasnt noticed, or if she has she doesnt mind the change. Right now she has a viral infection and diarrhea and such. I was so scared it was from the formula, but i took her into see the dr today and she said its just a virus. she has a yeast infection from all the diarrhea. poor thing. so once she gets over this virus ill be able to see better how she handles the formula and how it affects her. I guess I just got overwhelmed bc I just started working again. I just got off work (midnight shift) its 4:20 am on wednesday. I havent pumped since Monday morning and I'm not sore at all. I know theres some in there, but this whole weaning myself from the pump was alot easier than i expected. thanks so much for all the support. I love this board!