Read what my mom sent me, hilarious!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Read what my mom sent me, hilarious!!
1
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 7:41pm
Hello, I’m a traveler from July Expecting Club. I though you all would like this e-mail my mom gave me. Hugs and Belly Rubs.

Jennifer

10wks 2 days

edd “Beenie #1” 7/10


Woman's Prayer

Now I lay me

Down to sleep.

I pray the Lord

My shape to keep.

Please no wrinkles

Please no bags

And please lift my butt

Before it sags.

Please no age spots

Please no gray

And as for my belly,

Please take it away.

Please keep me healthy

Please keep me young,

And thank you Dear Lord

For all that you've done.



Foot Note: One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob:

"If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts."




Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.




PREGNANCY Q &A &more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?

A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?

A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?

A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's

borderline irrational.

A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but

pressure. Is she right?

A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?

A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.




"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is sudden ly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that

says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."

8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.




TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND

10. Cat's facial expressions.

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.

7. Fat clothes.

6. Tak ing a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.

3. Eyelash curlers.

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN



Send this to five bright, funny women you know and make their day.


WE ALL NEED TO SMILE !!!!!!! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 10:38am

Thanks for the laughs this morning! I can really use them right now.

Brandy

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