Desperately in Need of Prayers
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|Wed, 01-07-2004 - 7:14pm|
My birthday is in 10 days, and my fiance and I were planning on going to spend it in NY with my family and friends. What a damper to put on my 20th b-day parade. None of my family or friends know. I've decided not to tell any of them until after the 2nd exam, even though I know they'll mad if there's something wrong and I didn't tell them initially my test results came back abnormal. I just don't want to ruin the trip out there or have my mother go off the deep end about how we're going to pay for treatment if there is a problem. (My medical insurance through the government won't cover the tests and what I'll need and no insurance company is going to insure someone who's sick for a rate we can afford.)
What really pisses me off is the fact that I had the Pap Smear done over 2 months ago, and they're just now calling me to say there's a problem. And they got my results back 2 weeks after my test was done! Then to tell me that they doubt it's an infection and I have to wait another 2-3 months before I can find out anything for sure. I'm going crazy! Now I have to go through the next 2 months (the earliest I can go in is the end of March) wondering if I have cancer. Odds are if I do since it was caught early I'll recover from it w/ no problem, but still. It's not something you want hanging over your head. I find myself looking at my daughter and wondering if I'll ever be able to give her a brother or a sister.
My fiance and I just started getting back on track and fixing our problems and now this! It's like a never ending bad day! I'm just really in need of some positive thoughts and prayers. I have no idea how I'm ever going to get through these next few months w/o knowing if everything is okay or not. I think, that's the worst. The not knowing for sure.
Thank you for reading this and for all your your thoughts and prayers. I really need them right now!
Mom to Ilene