he is punishing me because i doing c/sup

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
he is punishing me because i doing c/sup
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 1:27am
i just figured it out. sd is punishing me because i am taking him to court for child support. i guess since im taking him for this he figures that he doesnt have to take care of this child. now im not sure if the judge ordered a paternity test but i have to take one. i think he requested to take one but it wont matter because he wont show up. i remember him telling me that while i was pregnant that there will be no child support. and bam when i file, he decides he doesnt want to take care of our baby. he hasnt seen her since march 6th. 2 weeks later i sent back the forms naming him the father so i guess he got his in the mail and requested a dna test. he called but i wasnt home. he hasnt called me since. im on the verge of a nervous breakdown. everyone tells me to get over it but if you dont have kids or never been in a situation like this then you cant tell me crap. now i wish i hadnt went for c/s because maybe, just maybe things would be different. i think someone has been telling him that the baby isnt his. the last time he was here he took 2 pictures of her home with him. im betting that someone, maybe his mother told him that my baby didnt look anything like him. i dont know maybe i am being paranoid but you know how mothers are with their sons. she acts like she doesnt even like me. before he told her that i was having his baby she was cool with me. anyway i am in wisconsin and on medicaid so i have to file c/s in order to keep my benefits so its not like i jsut cant do it. i have support but i just cant get over the fact that he's not doing what he said he was gonna do. why are men like this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 9:46am

I haven't been in a situation like that before but my best friend has. She waited around for over a year and he never came around. Then she filed for c/s and he got really mad. Once the court ordered him to pay he wanted to spend time with the baby. Now they have a better relationship than before she did it and she also has enough money to support her son. They never got back together but are able to fake smiles when around their son.

I am not sure why some men can act like that. I think you are being a responsible mother and doing what you need to do to take care of your baby. I do hope that things get better for you!

*hugs to you and your little one*


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:26pm

I think some of why men are like that is they don't have pregnancy to induce hormones that attach them to their children. Some men attach with no problems and others just don't have it. Our bodies produce hormones that basically force us to be mothers as a way of protecting the species, they don't do that for men.

That totally sucks that he is behaving like that. I do think it sounds like his mom has her hand in things though. Is there a support group for single moms you can join where you guys can talk to each other about these things?

*Any information or advice provided is my opinon and not intended as medical diagnosis. If in doubt please ask your doctor.

Happy and healthy pregnancy to you,

Your Community Leader Aimee, Mom to Marah-Jade 09/17/03

*Any information or advice provided is my opinon and not intended

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Wed, 04-28-2004 - 8:57am
Sounds like he could be scared. Fear makes us do a lot of things. Fear is the basis of anger. He's not to be grouped with "all" men. He just sounds immature. A REAL man takes responsibility. A REAL man wants to take care of his child, not just financially.

But hey, don't worry about the paternity test. Take it, and when the court finds that the child is his, then he will be legally bound to pay child support. Then it's his choice to behave like a REAL man or not.

Your job is to love and nurture your little one. Try to stay calm when it comes to the child support issue, let the courts do the battle for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:39pm
If you want child support from him, it's his right to get proof that the child is his (which you know it is), so humor him -- he's gonna pay.

My Dad paid child support for a child that wasn't his (until the child was 18), that had to suck! Back in the day, paternity didn't matter - once you started paying, you had to keep paying...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 10:00pm
its not you hes punishing its your baby. you need to think about that.