Getting cold feet...vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Getting cold feet...vent
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 5:01pm
I am starting to get a little worried about this whole baby thing. I am 15w4d and so far, I just feel fat. I feel so unattractive. DH doesn't seem to want to be intimate anymore, which isn't helping matters. I am worried about how I will look after the baby. I am worried that we won't have enough money when I go on mat leave. I would like to find a part time job (work f/t already) just so I can put some money away, a feel a little better, but who is going to hire a preggo? I am worried I won't be a good mom. I am worried that my relationship with DH with go down the tubes. I am worried that DH won't find me attractive anymore. I am worried we won't have any friends anymore. I don't feel like I can enjoy this pregnancy because I am worrying all the time. I will admit that I am very hormonal today and just need a place vent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 6:52pm


You do sound a bit down in the dumps. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and hope that you can pull through, and remove the worries. Remember the law of worries - if there is nothing you can do about it - don't worry about it. Worrying about it won't help, and it just makes you feel miserable. If you are so miserable about everything that you are suffering from depression (always down, mood swings, crying all the time), please talk to your doctor and get some meds. There are safe meds you can take for depression. I know, because I take them.

Your DH is probably scared, this being your first child. Have him get on-line and chat with other expecting dads. See the 'Just For Dads' board on ivillage. Talk to your DH about your fears and concerns and the joy you feel too. Above all else, remember that DHs are not mind readers, in fact, they are just the opposite. He needs reassurance too that everything will be okay. He is probably worried about $ too, now that he has a new family member on the way.

You are certainly not fat, you are pregnant and that is a beautiful thing. Think of all the fun you can have with a great big belly, no need to suck it in. Let it all hang out and show the world this great thing going on. Think of all of the folks out there still TTC and how lucky you are to have a little one on the way.

Please don't rush to


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:25pm

I hope you are feeling a little better today. I worried a lot too. If you mention getting another job to DH he would probably instist on you not doing so and it may make him a little more anxious thinking he isn't a good provider. I know my DH was a little distant and had his own worries.

Just make sure you take care of yourself! You are the babies condo until birth and you want them to have a nice place to grow :)

Here are some tips for the money situation...when you do a baby registry register for a couple packs of each size diaper and wipes. That way you will have the essential's and won't have to run to the store as soon as you get home. If you plan to formula feed, or even if you don't sign up for all the programs, you can always trade or give to someone else. Except all hand me down's. I started


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 4:59am
I am five months- but just found out 3 days ago (long story/ bad doctor, so I won't detail!) but I felt the same way. I went to an ultrasound appt. monday where they were looking for a cyst or tumor to explain my some of my "health problems" and surprise! It was a baby- The very next day I popped out and I no longer feel fat- I'm just so happy I am pregnant! My now Ex- doctor had me convinced I had a brain tumor!! I was scheduled for an MRI next month!

Don't worry about the fat feeling. Once you pop out, you will feel great! Until then be patient, wouldn't it be worse to be like me and have thought you were dying- and have extreme unexplained weight gain? Be happy because you know that you have a beautiful baby on the way!!! Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2004
Thu, 06-17-2004 - 12:03am
I think that a majority of us go through this. I had all those same emotions. I will also admit that I hated being pregnant and everytime I heard about someone who didn't I hated them and me for feeling the way that I did. I was so scared. I got very fat very fast and that was horrible. I worried the entire time I was pregnant. Then one night laying in a hospital bed it all changed. I looked at my little boy and cried. I now know why I was born. My purpose in this world is to be Liam's mommy. It is a far cry form the girl who layed surrounded by the size 4 and 6 jeans (that she had ripped down out of the closet in a fattened fury) crying her eyes out. It all gets better. Once you see your little angel a lot of the fear and believe it or not, veinity, all slips away.

As for the intimate part, my DH was the same way. We always had a great life in our bedroom and then he didn't want to touch me. It made things so much worse. Now (3 months after Liam) it is back and believe it or not, better!!! I think that we even love each other more than before. I strongly believe that men have a problem because that is now a home to their child and not a place for plessure. Try not to feel bad about it. I know it is hard but it does get better.

Things will get better soon. I am not an incredibly religous person but I believe in God and I have expierenced first hand that he has a special way of providing for mothers to be.