Just need to cry/vent a little

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Registered: 05-19-2004
Just need to cry/vent a little
4
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 7:18pm
My dd is 3 weeks old now and I think I am still suffering from the baby blues. My hubby returned to work last week and works odd hours. He works 12 hours shifts and his schedule is 2 days on, 2 off, 3 on, 2 off, 2 on, 3 off, then he switches to a midnight shift following that same schedule. He is also on call 2 days a month, which just happened to be this week, and of course he got called in to work. So, after this Friday, he will have worked 7 days straight at 12 hours a piece. So I have been alone with our newborn all this time taking care of her 24/7. It's not that I don't mind being with my baby and taking care of her...it's just that I am here with her all day with no help, and then when he comes home, he's tired and ready for bed by 9 pm. And I get up with her all night so he can sleep. I just feel like I am a single parent who is trying her best to take care of her daughter and the house and a husband and it feels like I'm getting no where. I have no family close by..my mom lives 4 hours away and his mom works the same shift he does, so I can't even go to her for a little relief except on certain days at certain times. So I am just feeling really resentful of my husband bc he gets to get away for awhile and be with adults and have adult conversations. I have to give him credit bc once he's home for the evening, he does take care of her till he goes to bed so I can have a little break and time for myself. It's just on days when she cries and cries and there's nothing I can do but walk the floor with her to keep her calm do I start to feel the pressure. The other day I bawled with her for 2 hours bc it felt like I was fighting a losing battle in keeping her happy. I'm just feeling really lonely and lost and angry and sad all at the same time, and I feel like I make my husband feel guilty for leaving us to go to work bc he's the person I vent to.

Anyway, sorry I wrote so much, I just need to get it out and I hate laying it all on my husband cause he is doing the best he can. Thank you for listening!

Tiff and Ashley 6-21-04

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Avatar for seechelle916
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 07-14-2004 - 9:58pm

Tiffany...


First off congratulations on your new arrival! ((Hugs)) It sounds like you are going through typical mommy feelings, and it will eventually pass. It does sound like your husband is doing all he can, and it's great that you realize that, but it's also completly normal to feel alittle resentful and to vent to him. You are doing that best that you can and being a new mommy is stressful. If you can, on days that he comes home, ask him if you can have 30-60 minutes alone to go take a hot bath or read a book. Even if this is only once a week or something it will definitly help. It might also help if you and the baby try and get out, maybe a simple walk around the block to get some fresh air will help you both out!


Don't worry we've all been there and you can talk to us about anything you want!! GL!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 9:38am
You sound like I was at 3 weeks, but my husband works from home. I still felt isolated nonetheless and had a high needs baby who cried about 75% of the time.

Things got MUCH better once I started to get out of the house with my daughter. We would go for walks, and I even joined a playgroup even though my baby was obviously too young to play. But it was nice to talk to other women who knew what I was going through.

Also, I promise it does get a lot easier with time. In the beginning, you're totally devoted to your baby every second of the day. When they're older, you're still devoted every second of the day, but you learn how to take breaks for yourself and make alone time with your husband.

Finally, at 4 1/2 months we all feel normal again. We have a loose schedule in place. I get breaks and time alone. I don't feel so much like a zombie and I'm happy again.

Hang in there, Tiff. Try to force yourself to do something outside the house everyday with your daughter, even if it's just going for a walk around the block.

Best of luck,

Janna

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 07-19-2004 - 10:16am

I remember a couple days that went by where one of us wasn't crying every 1/2 hour.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Tue, 07-20-2004 - 1:33pm
Thanks guys for your posts and advice. Things are starting to look up for me and my girl. I am finally getting past the feelings of being a horrible mother who can't do anthing right and actually starting to enjoy being a mom to such a little sweetheart. We don't really have a schedule yet but I've figured out how to either take naps with her so I'm not so drained or use that time while she's sleeping to do something for myself instead of laundry or dishes. She is also starting to sleep better at night, so she's not as cranky during the day. And I just want to kiss the person who invented cars and carseats, bc car rides during the day have really saved my frazzled mind. I'll be glad when the weather starts cooling down a little so we can start taking walks bc she loves to be outside. But anyway, THANKS AGAIN SO MUCH!

Tiffani and Ashley

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