I'm a bad mom...help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
I'm a bad mom...help me
5
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 6:59pm

Hello moms,

Maybe you can relate to what happened to me last night. My DS is one month old and had set up a pattern of letting us sleep 4 - 5 hrs a night after his 11pm nursing. However this week he has been demanding marathon, 45 min - 1 hr. nursing sessions. He nurses and then detaches so I think he's done after say 30/35 minutes (a reasonable assumption right?), so I burp him and try to rock him to sleep, but he gets mad and starts chewing his hand and crying, which means he's still hungry.

Last night we battled over my breasts until 1am! I fed him for an hour during that timeframe, and tried rocking, burping, walking, pacifier, diaper changing, keeping him warm, singing, you name it! Nothing worked. He worked himself into a fit. I was so angry and frustrated with him! I was despairing and feeling used because my nipples have been sore and he was still demanding my milk after 1 hour of feeding, and I was utterly exhausted.

I completely lost it, I was so angry. I picked him up, walked over to our bed (DS was sleeping ont he couch) and tossed him on the bed. He startled out of the crying, and then cried even harder. At that point I melted into a sobbing puddle of utter sorrow and shame. How can I feel this way towards my tiny son? How is it even his fault? IT's not his fault that I don't know what he wants...He is so vulnerable and he needs me to love him and protect him, and here I am harboring these angry, helpless feelings towards him. God help me..

I went downstairs and asked DH to hold him. DS calmed down instantly when DH held him. Interesting that when I did the same thing he'd scream and chew his hand! While DH held him I thawed out a backup bottle of my breastmilk and gave that to him at 1:48am. He downed the whole thing, and fell asleep 15 minutes later. He truly had been hungry. He slept for 5 hrs after that.

I am worried about my ability to cope, I've been tearing up off and on all day. I'm pretty tired. What happens if he does the same thing tonight? I pumped one bottle's worth of milk and it's in the fridge for the 11pm nursing. I hope that works. If not I can only pray that God give me the steadiness and calmness I'll need to deal with him lovingly. I love my son, I so want to be a good mother to him.

B

My messy baby

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Registered: 01-01-2004
Sat, 03-31-2007 - 10:54pm

READ MY LIPS:

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 2:19am

Don't be so hard on yourself. Of course your going to get stressed out and "lose it" from time to time. Having a new baby is very stressful! Next time you feel yourself start to become overwhelmed just put the baby down and have some time away from him. Nothing bad is going to happen to him if you leave him for a few moments to clear your head and this way you can avoid taking your frustration out on him. Also you could wake DH up a bit earlier and have him take over for a while. Sometimes babies can sense your growing frustration and that can cause them to be fussier. It just takes someone who hasn't been dealing w/ a screaming infant for the past hour to help calm them down. Good luck!

Laura

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 7:44pm

I just had a baby. She is now 3 1/2 months old. In the beginning, it was so tough for me. Our baby was in the NICU for a week, so she got used to the bottle so nursing was really hard for me. So I made it a point to pump every 2-3 hours. But my husband and I got into this routine which really helped me. I would take care of the baby all day while he was at work, when he came home and after he settled in and had his dinner, I would hand over the baby to him and I would go straight to bed. He would have baby duty all evening until she went to sleep. That really helped me and my sanity. It gave me at least 4-5 hours of sleep (but also including pumping sessions in between that). But at the same time, it would give me a little time off from the baby and give me so rest from her. I too became very frustrated and angry. I did get rough with her one night before we started our routine but not to the point of hurting her. I had started swaddling her but my movements were very edgy and in anger that my husband immediately recognized that I was extremely exhausted. He noticed I became very weepy and emotional when I was tired. And because of his help, I pulled through.
I love my little girl so much. And without his help, I have no idea how I would have done it.
A swing does help. Also, trying reading or watching a DVD called the Happiest Baby on the Block. It gives you techniques on how to care for a fussy baby----it helped me so much. And also, if you go to Oprah.com---in the search bar, search Secret language of babies. This episode helped me so much in interpreting what my baby was trying to communicate to me. I was going to order the DVD---but it was too expensive. Just watch the clip and you'll get the general idea.

You are a wonderful mother, and don't let anyone else tell you different. When you are tired, thats when your husband or other family member should help you out. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Things will get better. Best of luck!

Victoria

First time mother of baby Elisa!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 10:37am
You just have to ask for help and calm down before you get to that stage.
gavin.gif mini pooper from tara picture by caulyne
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2006
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 2:08am

You might want to check with your local health department for the DVD of The happiest Baby on the Block. I got one last week when I went in to get the girls weighed. They always are getting good things like that. HTH

Mandy, Kimber May & Adrian Celeste


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