Dealing with loss of control issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2006
Dealing with loss of control issues
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 11:09am

Hi there,

I have a 6 week old son born march 2nd. I've been posting on here off and on and lurking a bit. I wonder how you guys deal with the loss of control that comes with a new baby.

I changed my DS' diaper this morning to find a bright red rash around his little anus. It wasn't there literally happened overnight. So around 9:30 this morning I tried to change his diaper, clean him up and put butt paste on him.

He shrieked bloody murder the whole time and clenched his little cheeks together, making it hard to clean him and apply the paste. When I finally did, he'd leak a little bit of stool so I'd have to do it all over it again.

This cycle went on for a 1/2 hour! I slowly disintegrated into a crying mess myself, mostly b/c I felt like I was torturing him but felt compelled to leave him with a clean, well-pasted bottom and diaper.

He finally stopped leaking and shrieking and allowed me to diaper and swaddle him. Afterwards I nursed him and he is now sleeping, but I am still somewhat of a wreck. The loss of control that comes with dealing with him scares me. I have no way of knowing whether a diapering session will last 1 minute or 30! And I hate to see and hear him cry so and know I am the cause.

Do you guys ever feel like this, and how do you deal with it? Not just about diapering but about baby care in general. Thanks for letting me vent. :)


My messy baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 04-16-2007 - 5:28pm
A lot has to do with lack of sleep.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 12:09pm

Sometimes mommies just need to get away for a little while. When you feel the panic and frustration begin to rise in you, try to find a way to separate you from the situation, if only for a few minutes. If it means putting on his 'clean' diaper (even though you're not quite finished and he's gotten it a little dirty), and waiting 10 minutes or so so you can both calm down, then do it. If your DH is around, don't be afraid to hand off DS. It doesn't make you a bad mommy... quite the opposite; you're making sure that your son is being taken care of be someone calm. Occasionally, it might mean that you have to set him down and let him cry for a minute or two. Try a swing or a bouncer, and while it might not stop the flood of tears, you can take a` minute to step away or outside and compose yourself a bit more. Yes, infants need to feel secure and shouldn't be allowed to cry for long periods, but if it's that or mommy's sanity, your mental state has to cone first. If you don't have it together, who will care for your DS?

Anyway, I hope that helps! Don't feel like you're alone, either! As a fellow nursing mother, I have definitely felt your frustration and have cried along with my DD a couple of times. Just try to gauge when you're starting to reach that loss of control stage and find a way to caln yourself before continuing to deal with your DS.

Good Luck!!

DD Elena 3/9/07