Stress/Pregnancy Caused by Parents

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Stress/Pregnancy Caused by Parents
5
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 1:14pm

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this group and hope that someone can offer some help. I'm 31, happily married to a wonderful husband, and 9 weeks pregnant with our first child. One of the reasons I've waited 5 years into our marriage for children is because I am still coping with the stress of growing up with two controlling, never happy, overbearing parents. My mother certainly suffers from borderline personality disorder and is an alcoholic but refuses help. My father, married to her for 32 years, is simply very unhappy and very controlling with his (grown) children, my guess is because my mother has sapped all his self esteem due to the way she treats him.

I've asked my parents to wait to tell anyone about my pregnancy until my ultrasound next week b/c I want to be sure everything looks okay. Well, I just got off the phone with my father who reamed me out for telling my best friend that I'm pregnant. Long story short, he said he and my mother are very unhappy that "strangers" are congratulating them (my best friend's husband saw them at the video store) while their families (their bros and sisters) don't know yet. It was a nasty conversation and when I got off the phone I cried - I'm still crying. My husband is away with friends at a football game and I don't want to call and bother him right now. I am so upset. Am I wrong to ask that they wait to tell? My best friend is like a sister to me - we have been best friends for 15 years and she has helped me through all this nonsense with my parents before. In the past, I've been able to take an ativan for my anxiety and panic attacks caused by my parents but my doc took me off of it. I am considered high risk b/c i have preexisting high blood pressure; I am afraid interactions with my parents are going to cause complications. Any advice would be oh so greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Avatar for cmkristy
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 8:47am

Hi there-


Congratulations on your pregnancy and welcome to the First-Time Pregnancy Club. I'm glad you've found us!


I'm sorry you are experiencing so much stress right now caused by your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2009
Wed, 09-23-2009 - 3:32pm

Congrats on your pregnancy!


I agree it is YOUR PREGNANCY NOT YOUR PARENTS!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2008
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 9:11pm

No you're not wrong to do that.

Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 9:52am

Thanks very much for your response and for the book suggestion. I have not read this one yet and given the title, it sounds like it could be very beneficial.

Take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 3:57pm
First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy! It's a beautiful thing (aside from morning sickness and bloating of course :) ).