How do you deal with family "games"
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| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:50pm |
I am so upset and mad at my sister i could spit. What really upsets me is I know what she is like, should have seen this coming, and should not be feeling so hurt and upset over it, but i am.
She has basically had custody of my "Wee RV" since I moved out of the town I lived in before. Never managed to get it over here(and since we were using it to go to dog shows and she was more mobile it made sense for her to have it there so she could get it ready for the shows.) Finally paid it off last summer, she still has it. She has known since the beginning of the calendar year that I wanted to use it to go to a show that runs from today till next tuesday. I had given up plan to go for the whole show because she wouldnt be able to go till after working on Sunday. I find out today the oil change wasnt done, she isnt sure if it runs right now and she has made NO EFFORT to get her stuff out of it(she is using it as a storage place). This means either we go to the show one day leaving town about 6am and then get back about 6pm assuming I have no possible chance to visit a coworker(ONE of the MAJOR reasons for going there)or if we then make a side trip to visit the former coworker will maybe get back about 9-10pm if we are lucky. Given a redo of a root canal(which also now needs a new crown)...i dont really have money to spend on a motel room. Her response when she tells me today that its not ready and won't be is her hubby didnt have time to change the oil while he was off the road(he is a trucker).
I have spent major money buying the WeeRV and pay insurance on a vehicle that at best is getting used just by my sister! Bottom line my sister does what she wants when she wants, and if you want something else...too bad. AT this point I am furious with her, feeling really depressed over this whole fiasco and am getting really sick of her playing games like this. My friends say, not to let her get away with stuff like this...the problem is telling her no is like trying to stop a speeding train!! Trying to get her to do something I need done is just as hard. Trying to sell the RV will also be a nightmare because she won't want to give it up so she will put every road block up that she can to keep it from being sold! To be honest that is also one of the major reasons I did not get rid of the mobile home was because i couldnt even get her to agree to let people into it to fix it up so i could sell it. Think I am as upset as I am because a part of me feels like she just shot down the whole vacation!! Am really tempted to call my boss and cancel the rest of the vacation!!
i guess i should go to the Y now...and work out while listening to Jonathan Livingston seagull CD. to say i'm upset is putting it mildly. I confess before I got diagnosed with diabetes this is about the time I would go to Culver's and have a single scoop hot fudge sundae!! BUT i know even a baby dish of their vanilla custard will shoot my numbers up too high. I can't afford to go treat myself to anything, can't afford (due to the diabetes)to treat myself with food. Even sadder, I cannot blame this one on a full moon !!

I am so very sorry that you are going through this, because it just in my opinion is not at all right. If you have plans to use something that is yours you should be able to do so with not hassles at all. I would feel so honored to have a family member trust me with their RV while allowing my family to use it at times, because they are not cheap by no means no matter what size you purchase or rent. So she should hold up to her end and have gotten it ready for you to use it for the show you took time off of work to attend. My best advice to you is to discuss your feelings with your sister so that she knows exactly how you feel, because she is not able to read you or sense how your feeling with out you telling her directly. Who knows maybe this might help things with you both since you are sisters you should be able to work something like this out instead of having a big squabble over it.
If you want to sell it than sell it, because she cannot stop you from doing so or from allowing people to go inside to look at it. You do what you feel is best for you not her, because your the one who is paying for the insurance on it that allows her to drive it and paid for it with out any help from her. So do what is best for you in the long since you are the one who has to take care of the money aspect of it not her. All I can say is
The RV has been sort of a bone of contention for several years, at least in my mind. When I say something to her about it, its like what I say sort of fades away like mist. Actually we never made it to the same show last year because it wasn't "ready"....and then we were supposed to go to the show for one day. Then of course the day came, I had driven all the way over there so we could go, and then she decided we would get there too late to see the doxies, so there was no reason to go.
I know if I hadn't run into the latest dental fiasco this year I would say the heck with it, and go over there and stay in a motel. Suffice to say, the dental fun is very costly, especially without much in the way of dental insurance. Thankfully there is very little pain involved and they have been careful to put me on antibiotics both when it first flared and now when he did the work on it. Although I may end up deciding to find a cheap motel and do that anyway. From previous years when I did go by myself, it was so nice to be able to camp right at the grounds!! The last year I actually went to it, I went with my Twinkie, and stayed I think for 2-3 nites. Then we were even able to go visit previous coworkers and even check out some of my old haunts when I worked in that part of the state.
Think I am the most frustrated at myself, because I should have expected this to happen and either raised heck the last time I was there insisting the RV would be ready or at least remembered not to get my hopes up. My sister and I are both in our mid 50's now, and the only 2 left in the family now. BUT this is just a variation of things that happened in the past with my mother. Still get excited about something that is supposed to happen only to have it shot down for one reason or another.
Just going to have to deal with this a bit at a time I guess, and try not to get frustrated!! If I start getting too desperate, maybe will have to play the one relaxation tape a bunch of times. I have one that has one segment called "a trip to the beach". Usually that can help me relax when nothing else seems to.
Oh, I so hope you do get to go since it is something you very much enjoy and it is your vacation in which you should do something that you find fun doing. Do what you must to go, because I know it will only make you even angrier if you do not get to go since that is why you took the time off in the first place. Do some calling around to see if you can't find a cheap hotel to stay the night in so that you can see the show and also visit some of your old coworkers that you enjoy visiting. Besides you got to do it while you can and not feel sad that you did not get to do it later down the road.
I am sorry though that your sister does not understand what it means to you to go see the show, but I know if you tell her it might make a big difference and than again maybe not. You know her better than anyone and know how she is in that sense. Maybe keep this in the back of your mind always when it comes another time when you want to use the RV that belongs to you and raise some much needed comotion to get her to do what she needs to in order to have it ready for you to use it. We only live once so do all you can while you can or at least that is my own personal philosophy that seems to help me out many times.
Do let me know if you do get to go or not, because if you do I would love to hear all about your trip since I have not been
My suggestion to you is to give her a date and tell her you WILL be coming to pick it up.
Money is a little shorter than I thought. I had to get some CO Q 10, and that stuff is not cheap, but when I started the time off, had left my bottle at work, and I think that is what triggered several migraines. So looks like one day at the show will be all I can get to. For anyone with migraines, this does seem to help me a lot, although I started taking it more because of the antioxidants and the potential health benefits. Reason it costs me so much is because I get the BIG bottle at Sams club and so its a lot more than some in regular stores. But anytime I take things other than vitamins, I do not like to keep switching brands.
Very thankfully most of the frustration is gone. I know this whole thing is typical family type behavior in my family, and now that it is only sister and I, the bottom line is how to deal with it without destroying what is left. This means basically that I will talk to her, will consider my options and if I keep the RV will put her on notice for the next time, FAR in advance, so she has no chance of saying she didnt realize I wanted to use it(her usual excuse). I may decide that once my garden is down,that I will go over there on the weekend somehow and get the RV over here. It is not a big one, its really what is called a van camper. One reason I haven't pushed to get it over here, is that in the winter, getting in and out is not real safe. I use a soft stepper(exercise equipment) to add a step to get in and out of it. Have that on a rope and toss it out or haul it in that way. I did put tread strips on the bottom but don't like risking that in slippery conditions.
But in one sense, knowing her "doxie behavior".....whats mine is mine, and whats yours is really mine too.......leaving the RV there does encourage that mindset.
Personally I really hate it when i get in what I call a snarky mood, and yes, I do believe that it was raising my BG levels, especially the day I posted the first message. One good thing, in sorting through stuff here, i finally found my cassette version of my relaxation tape!! So will take that with me when I go. Also was pinning too much power on the dog show, after my pet warehouse shopping spree went down the tubes. That has been getting bigger each year. Have already warned them next year I will take my RV up there and park it over night(they said no problem!!). Last year had about 50-60 collars, some toys, and FIVE huge cases of rawhide treats for the local shelter.......AND paid i think around $50 for all that.) Really was disappointed I wont be able to go there with a huge haul this year, but will take them at least some stuff.
Anyway, have really gotten some big things done this time here at home. Really am rearranging and getting rid of a bunch of stuff. Finally got a place set up in the living room to do the walk away the pounds tapes. Good thing because the DVD player on my computer wont open a lot of the time. That was what I was using before.
At least we will get to the show one day at least and I will get a doggy fix there. ( Still miss my Wee Child Twinkie, and it is now almost 2 years since I lost her).
Auntydoxzz
I am sure the only way to deal with this is to give her a deadline. Have not decided yet if that will be this fall or when. Think one thing I need to do is find a place here I can store it over the winter!! One problem is this is on a 1 ton truck chasis(its a van camper) and that means the first step into it is higher than normal. My mobility is still bad enough that I would need my stepper to get in and out. Works great anytime of the year when its not slippery out.
At least I am over the worst of it. Not happy about it, but am not letting it stress me out badly.
Auntydoxzz
I am so happy to hear that your getting things done around the house since I know how well that it can build up before you can get things done so that is great to have some time to get what you need done. At least your finding things as you do it and also making room to do the walk away the pounds videos, which is so great. I'll be needing to get me those videos very soon so I can get down the pounds from this pregnancy, but in a good way so that the pounds stay off just like I did prior to getting pregnant again.
Sorry to hear that you left your bottle of pills at work since I know when a migraine comes it is horrible not to have what you need to treat it right away. At least you were able to get another bottle that way you know have 1 at work and home, which is rather a good way to have it since it is very easy to forget it at work. Also so super happy to hear that you will attend the dog show for at least a day, because I know how much you really enjoy the show and look forward to it every year. Now you will have to share with me what all you see and look at, because I so love dogs and never have been to a show before so I'll be kind of attending through you. hehehe
Wow, what a great buy at the pet warehouse. Man that sure can help a shelter out big time while making the dogs feel good with getting a treat. If I ever found a place like that I'd get me a big bag of rawhides myself for our dogs since we do love to give our dogs some treats that they really enjoy, but it also helps my Chihuahua with his teething that he is still going through only he needs smaller size ones that fit in his mouth not that he is small in weight since he seems like such a round ball to me. LOL Oh, we are also getting a new puppy a Pughua (Pug + Chihuahua mix) for my husband since he wants a dog so very badly since our 2 big dogs that he adored so very much passed away not so long ago so I figure it is only right he have his own dog to. So we will now have a Pomeranian, Corgi, Chihuahua, and Pughua in the family. It will be fun to watch them all interact together with the new puppy in he house, but I know it will go smoothly with our dogs having such great personalities. Although I am not looking forward to potty training in the cold weather, but at least we do have some small dog sweaters he can wear until the new pup gets bigger.
It sounds like you know what to do with the RV and that is great. I so hope come next time that there isn't any problem with having it ready for you to use or that you are able to pick it up to take back home with you. Oh well, you will figure out just what you really want to do in no time at all. Well, I so hope you enjoy the dog show and have loads of fun there. Take care of yourself and listen to your relaxation tape to help keep your blood sugars down when your feeling stressed. Have a fantastic day!