I tried....but I just can't do it

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-1999
I tried....but I just can't do it
9
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:27pm

Here I am, having quite the emotional breakdown after being the "fixer" of everyone's problems.

I hate diabetes! I am so sick of diabetes that I would rather quit all the medicine and the shots and die an early death.

Just today I realized that I have been giving myself a shot of air in the stomach everyday for the last two and a half months. Kind of makes me think I am too stupid to be a diabetic. Duh, I forgot to put the vial upside down, I just thought the suction from the needle drew the insulin upwards.

SO I HAVEN'T BEEN TAKING INSULIN THESE PAST TWO AND HALF MONTHS EVEN THOUGH I THOUGHT I WAS.

Taking insulin is a giant inconvenince. I hate it. I have a hard time remembering to take it every twenty four hours. My diabetic counselor thought, hey, wouldn't you just love to take a shot EVERYTIME you eat? NO! I wouldn't! So I tried to time these shots better, but like I just said....they have been shots of air.

I'm angry at myself. No, I don't want to try the pen kind. I did that before with Byetta. Not only did the Byetta make me nauseaus but I had suspicions of the medicine not ejecting from the pen either. Also the insulin vials are smaller to carry in my purse. But right now there is no choice, I am so damn sick and tired of being a diabetic. Today, no shot (of course they were only imaginary shots the last two and a half months so nothing different there). But I am contemplating quitting my other pills too. I am tired of taking pills and shots and want to see what it is like going cold turkey. I promise not to eat a giant Hershey Bar or anything suicidal. I just want to see what it's like to be normal for a while. Had to vent, don't expect a lot of support since I know you're all taking care of yourselves.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2002
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 12:47pm
please dont give up i was just like you .the though of give my self a shots. i would be so nevers i would cry all the time .i think you said you were tyep1 iam too i have to give my self a shote 4 times a day .it will get easy..i aslo do the pen it is much easy .just dont give up ... you can do it ..

ivmy2boys-done.jpg picture by ivmy2boys

Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:26pm

Welcome back to the board!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-1999
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 1:30pm

I am type II; That is why I started the insulin (or shots of air as I found out) two months ago. Was diagnosed over five years ago and am sick of it.

Especially tired of the nosy people who ask "how is your diabetes?" I have a feeling they don't really care. They only ask like someone would ask about the weather. They probably get some wicked pleasure in knowing that I have to stick a needle in my stomach now that the pills are losing their effectiveness.

Avatar for 2sweet02
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 7:37pm

Yes, you can do this!

2sweet02

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 8:04pm

Going "cold turkey" for us type 2's is not necessarily going to have as major and/or as fast an effect as on type 1's but for both of us the realities of the complications are terrifying!! It also is not a situation where we can pick the complication would could live with the easiest!!

It is scarey, and something we have to deal with the rest of our lives, but I would rather do it as long as I can with as much health and as few complications as possible.
Remember too there have been many major advances in treating this even just in the last few year.

It is OK to get angry, to get upset and frustrated over mistakes we make in dealing with this. You are NOT stupid. Stupid would be to find out what you are doing wrong in giving yourself the shots and intentionally continuing to make that same mistake. I am NOT saying accidently or forgetting and making the same mistake. No one is perfect. Just try to learn from the mistake!

Sometimes we expect perfection of ourselves and then really get angry when we are not. I think we all work on caring for ourselves as well as we can. I doubt anyone actually does it perfect all the time!! We do the best we can and yes, sometimes we slip, sometimes we get angry and say the heck with it, I will eat what I want(even when I KNOW I should not!). Remember too that this is a progressive disease, so the fact that we have to move on to more meds and other ways of dealing with it does not somehow mean we have failed. It just means we need to do things differently.

Hang in there!! Come back here to vent and blow off steam if that helps!!
Auntydoxzz

Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 9:21pm

The three ladies who responded to your post, care about how you are doing!


Avatar for cl_maryfrances40
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 1:11am

Denise,


I have read all the other messages to you and there is much I could say in the way of a guilt trip but that isn't productive. I don't need to beat you up. But I want you to know that depression and diabetes run hand in hand and there is no reason to suffer needlessly. Talk to your doctor immediately about how you are feeling and how you are sabotaging yourself. S/he can help you.


After you have talked to your doctor please let us know what they said. If s/he doesn't feel they can help ask for a referral. There is a brighter day ahead.


A gentle hug,






iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 8:15am

Denise,

I know how you are feeling. I have only been diagnosed since February and although I am managing it with diet and exercise, I still get times when I want to forgo counting the carbs and eat whatever I want.

You have to think ahead of all the complications (which I remind myself of all the time) that can arise. If you think it is hard now, think what it would be like dealing with blindness, loss of a limb or any of the other results.

You now know what your mistake with the injections is, learn from it and continue on. You want to be around for your kids and the others that love you. You CAN do this. We are here to help. I don't post a lot, but I do read and care, as do the others on this board. Sometimes I just don't know what I can add so I don't post.

Please, for your family and others, keep taking your injections, meds, and watch your diet. Again, you CAN do this and we are here to support you. Rita

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 9:50pm

I think we all go through this period. I had a really tough time when I was moved from the pills to insulin and I take shots twice a day.


I actually do not find the shots to be a big deal as I never really had a problem with needles. My big issue was dealing with the fact that my diabetes had progressed after a year of feeling pretty good.


What I do is remind myself that I had 38 years of eating whatever I want (was diagnosed at 38) so I feel fortunate to havehad that and now i'm just eating the way I should be anyway. Diabetes or not eating healthy is important.


I don't know what insulin you are on but I take Lantus and it has been wonderful for me as I feel better on a more consistent basis rather than the ups and downs I had before.


Going cold turkey is not an option and you know that. There are things you can do to keep it down to a certain extent but take your insulin. I tried it and ended up in DKA after losing 50 pounds in 3 weeks and wound up in the hospital for a week.


You can do it, we all know you can. Diabetics are special people and god only allowed us to be afflicted with this disease because he knows we are strong and can endure no matter what!!