Living with a diabetic

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Living with a diabetic
8
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:20am
I have been married to a type 1 diabetic for 10 years. He was diagnosed when he was 7 - he is now 39. While I had some idea of what it would mean to be married to someone with a chronic disease, I was not prepared for the time when complications would start to show up and cause me to think more about how his disease might affect our family. He was diagnosed with early stage kidney disease about 7 years ago (thankfully, it has hardly progressed since then) and heart problems about 4 years ago. I had researched his disease when we first got married, but it wasn't until his doctor sat down and had a heart-to-heart with me after his heart problems were discovered, that I started to research the long-term effects of diabetes. His doctor said that a type 1 diabetic typically lives to be in their early 50's and that we should make sure that we are prepared for anything that might happen. I have tried to find any information that I can to support -or discredit - what she said about the average life span of someone with this disease, but I have been unable to find anything specific. However, since that discussion, I have found myself being emotionally distant from my husband - as a defense mechanism I suppose. I have two questions that go out to anyone who is living with a diabetic or is facing the start of complications making themselves known. First, how do you keep the fear of what the disease can do from being constantly on your mind? Second, is there anyone with any information that might offer a little more hope than what the doctor said about average the average life span of a diabetic? I love my husband and we have a little girl who adores her daddy - it breaks my heart every time I think about the possibility that he might not be there to watch her grow up. Without any information to contradict what the doctor said, it's very hard to not to think about it - especially as we both near our 40th birthdays. Any insights would be more appreciated than you know.
Avatar for cl_coldfingers
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 12:44pm

Hi and welcome to the board.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 2:12pm
Thank you, Cheryl! It helps tremendously just to hear from someone who knows firsthand what I am talking about. I think that the hardest thing about my husband's disease is that I feel very isolated sometimes in regards to having someone to talk to about it. I obviously don't want to upset him with my concerns because it must be harder for him to be the one living with it. As for you question about how well he takes care of his diabetes - he is doing better than he used to. He used to range from glucose levels in the 30's to the 400's daily. At that time, he had a doctor who was very flip about the seriousness of such extreme readings. Then he found an excellent doctor who really made him realize how important it is for him to take things more seriously. However, we had to transfer across the country about 18 months ago and my husband has had a hard time finding a doctor that he really likes. He is working on it, though, and he has been eating better and excercising in the last 8 months or so. I know that realistically he has probably already done some damage from the many years of not taking his diabetes seriously, but I believe that what he is doing now can make a great difference. Thank you again for your response. The song that you quoted has always been one of my favorites for the fact that it really does remind us that we miss out if we don't live one day at a time. And you are right - we never know what tomorrow will bring. Thank you and take care!
Avatar for cl_coldfingers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 2:55pm

Well as for having someone to talk to about it, you do now!!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 7:13pm
Once again, thank you for the response. As for the insulin pump, he has had one for almost 11 years. Those glucose levels I told you about were with the pump. Like I said before, though, he is doing much better now with regulating his numbers. Thanks also for the advice to talk to him about it once in awhile. I find that his diabetes is often the "elephant in the room" and we avoid talking about it. Maybe I need to be the one to show more willingness to talk about it. I know that he is frustrated with himself sometimes that he didn't start to take his diabetes more serious until his latest complication showed up. As much as I don't wish the stress of living with the disease or living with someone who has the disease on anyone, I am very grateful to finally to know that there are people out there who really understand what we live with every day. Both my husband and I have tried to find diabetes support groups in the past, but most groups focus more on type 2 and there really are so many differences between type 1 and type 2.
I am so glad that I have found this message board and I look forward to being part of the discussions. Take care!
Avatar for cl_maryfrances40
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:53pm

Hi Angelmama,


In one the trials that I participated in for a continuous meter I meter a man who had been a type 1 diabetic for more than 50 years. He was still going strong in his 70's.


We never know when we are going to make it to the top of the list and our number is going to be called. We have no control over this and we have no control over becoming diabetic. There is so much to hope for in diabetes and a cure will be here soon. So don't despair. Help your husband live each day as fully as possible and enjoy each day as much as you can.


My husband and I both try as hard as we can to keep our diabetes under control and to date we don't have any complications from it. My husband has been diabetic more than 25 years and I have been diabetic 17 years.


Statistics are what they are. But the life span for diabetic is growing much longer and that is why there is such a push for early diagnosis and tight control. This applies to both types of diabetes.


You have come to the correct place to talk about your fears and feelings. We are here to help and we have some long term diabetics on the board right now who I am sure will post to you. So please pull up a chair and join our conversation. You are safe here.

Avatar for cl_maryfrances40
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-23-2007 - 11:54pm

Cheryl,


What a lovely song and poem. Thanks for posting it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 8:55am

Mary Frances -

Thanks you for your words of encouragement. I'm just amazed at how much better I feel knowing that there are other people out there who understand. It is also very encouraging to hear stories of people like the man in the trial with you that are on the positive side of the spectrum. We tend to hear more discouraging stories than positive ones. I am just so grateful that I found this great group of people who have already proven to be very kind and supportive. Thank you!

What did you think about the continuous meter, by the way? My husband really wants to get one and his doctor that he had before we moved thought that it would be a good idea because of his complications. Now we just have to convince the insurance company that it wouldn't be a "luxury" item which is how they currently classify it.

Take care,

Marcy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:21pm

Maybe the current doctor is being pessemistic due to his complications. the doctor might think the more pesimistic the more likely your husband will take it seriously. Of course that backfires sometimes because the diabetic says its useless to try. I think the point at which the diabetes causes early deaths is much more likely when the person is really not striving to have better control.

I can say in several boards I have read, I have seen a number of them that have lived with it a long number of years, and several that have actually hit the 50 years diabetic and counting and also a lot of number 1's that are well above age 50!!

So bottom line is I would not let that dr's number encourage you or your husband to give up!! Read the boards that have a number of posters who are type 1's. I think it will encourage you to see that there are a lot who do live well past 50!! Remember Mary Tyler Moore is a type one and I dont remember how old she is now, but it is WAY OVER 50!!
Auntydoxzz